Tag: SAHM

How to have a tantrum-free shopping trip for the price of a cup of coffee.

Published on by Darlene Dee6 Comments

Sometimes I need a five dollar coffee drink to get through the day.

Sometimes I need a fifty dollar pedicure to get through the week.

And sometimes I need a ten thousand dollar Mediterranean Cruise if I am going to resist the urge to flee alone to the mountains and live off the land. Alone. By myself.

(I never do get that last one.)

Toddlers are people, too.

You know how summer days seemed so loooong when you were a kid but now they zoom by before you can get everything done? Even if ‘everything’ is just pack a bag and go to the park and come home and make a relatively healthy dinner?

Time is funny like that.

I imagine that a forty-five minute trip to Target must feel to a toddler like waiting at the DMV for an entire afternoon feels to me. Like hellacious hell.

Enter the Patient Prize.

I have mentioned the Patient Prize before. I didn’t invent the concept but I have WHOLLY embraced it. I have been looking to rebrand Bribery for quite some time now.

Whenever I bring Babystar into a potential meltdown situation — usually a trip to Target but not always — she is allowed one Patient Prize. (Babystar named it her Patient Prize, which is more accurate than Patient Present tbh because really we are all winners.)

 

How to Patient Prize:

  1. Let the Toddlermonster pick the Patient Prize first. At Target, I suggest you stop in the Dollar Aisles conveniently located near the entrance. This will save you money by avoiding the toy aisles while still preserving the illusion of choice.*
  2. Let the Toddlermonster HOLD the toy/hat/apple/whatever in the shopping cart. It then becomes a tangible reminder of the toddlermonster’s choice EVERY SINGLE SECOND whether he or she wants to keep the Patient Prize or act a fool.
  3. When the Toddlermonster inevitably wants to get out of the cart to run away, or screams because he or she is bored and wants to leave RIGHT NOW, you look them in the eyes and say, ‘Ok. But first we have to go put back the Patient Prize.’
  4. Usually, the Toddlermonster will chill. Not always, but most of the time. If the Toddlermonster does not chill, you have to put the Patient Prize back and deal with the outcome. You may decide to leave the establishment. You may decide to rush through the checkout line with what you already have. And you may decide to finish shopping while holding a loud floppy Toddlermonster (peace be with you). You do you.

 

AND YOU GUYS THERE IS AN UNINTENTIONAL BENEFIT! Since Babystar knows she gets to choose ONE thing, she doesn’t ask for EVERY thing. I hope it works out that way for you, too!

 

 

 

  • Stickers .30, $1, $1
  • Bouncy ball $2.99, $2.88, $2.99
  • Troll bandaids $1, $1
  • Light up bunny thingy $1
  • Trolls $4.99, $4.99, $4.99, $0.89, $0.89, $2.99, $2.99, $14.99, $4.99, $2.99, $2.99
  • Plastic dinosaur with googly pop-out eyes $1
  • Felt ice cream cones $3
  • Weird juice box lady $2.99
  • Bubbles $1, $1
  • Gardening toys $3
  • Wooden birdhouse to paint $3 (plus one for Princess Buttercup too $3)
  • Coloring books $1, $1, $1

 

RAISING BABYSTAR: $28,868.20

*Unfortunately, Babystar knows that the Trolls are in the toy aisles, so she often insists we go there. Fine. Whatever. I have since made a new rule that she cannot get duplicate Trolls and she has them all so we always ‘just go check’ if there are new ones. Her dad doesn’t have the same deal so she still brings home Trolls quite often.

You can’t spell #momlife without MLM.

Published on by Darlene Dee3 Comments

So, are you on Team OMG Stahp or Team They Are Just Trying to Make a Living. Which, come on, we all know is actually Team WE Are Just Trying to Make a Living.

Love them or hate them (or just try to avoid them), if you are a mom these days you will def meet another mom hoping to sell you something. If you’re lucky. If you are not lucky, you will meet another mom that immediately acts like your bff until BAM out of the nowhere on the the third (play)date gives you the hard sell about joining their team.

I get it. Back in ye olde 1900s, my mom sold Avon, Mary Kay, and The Almighty Tupperware. I STILL keep my cereal fresh with hand-me-down vintage Tupperware. Because Tupperware is legit awesome. Many of today’s popular MLM companies are slinging awesome things. (Overpriced, of course. But awesome.) I love me some essential oils and children’s books and vegetable gummies and fancy face creams.

I will go to your parties. I might even host one because I like you and I like wine. BUT DON’T TRY TO TRICK ME. If our friendship depends on my purchases, I hate you.

I have one friend that I knew for OVER A YEAR before I knew that she sold essential oils. She actually never told me. A mutual friend had a handmade potion in her bag labeled Liquid Xanax so of course I had to ask what THAT was all about. (It was not in fact black market benzos. It was lavender and chamomile and mildly disappointing.) This essential oil MLMer is very successful and never annoys her friends.

I know the other kind of people too. I don’t like them as much.

You know who are the chillest MLMers on the block, though? The super sweet shillers of Usborne Books! Be chill must be like the first, third, seventh, and last bullet point in the Training at Usborne. I have four friends now that sell Usborne in various parts of the country. If I am available, I will always attend their virtual Facebook parties. Recently I have attended parties to the tune of $21.97 and $69.94. You can see which friend I like better. KIDDING! My book purchasing is directly correlated with my wine consumption.

tl;dr: I will buy your MLM stuff if you promise to shut up about it.

RAISING BABYSTAR: $28,784.36

 

 

Monday’s Mama is TWINNING!

Published on by Darlene Dee2 Comments

This Monday, I am pleased to introduce Nadia Gabriel. She is the mama behind The Non-Adventures of a Stay-at-Home-Mom. Like me, she has been spending most of January moving. (That is the extent of our twinning. We don’t even live in the same hemisphere.) Unlike me, Nadia is moving BOTH her physical home and her, um, metaphysical blog space. Way to shake it up in 2018, Nadia!

nadia2

Nadia lives in South Africa so she is warm right now. If you are reading this in literally any of the United States, think about that for a minute. (Shhh, not you Hawaii and California. Just sit there and be pretty, ok?)

Nadia is a SAHM to two amazing little girls and makes time to write in between changing nappies and making a million snacks a day. She is currently in the process of rebuilding her personality back to the point where she is no longer just ‘Mummy’. (Girl, PREACH.)

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The Non-Adventures of a stay-at-Home-Mum is everything: hilarious (like when she takes down common fairy tales), informative (like when she reviews products), deep (like when she delves into the challenges of raising a super sensitive child), and uplifting (like when she profiles local momprenuers who are TCB). I always look forward to her posts because Nadia is above all insightful.

And kind. Kind enough to answer my questions.

1. I love the candor in your writing. I know you just ‘came out’ to family and friends as a blogger in the last few months. Have you found that you censor yourself now?

Going public has been great with all the encouragement and positive feedback but YES, I do feel restricted at times now, which is a huge bummer. Especially when it’s something that I NEEEEEEEED to get off my chest or process on (digital) paper. I even went back and deleted entire posts ‘just in case’. I feel it does stifle me somewhat because my writing is very much in the moment and full of raw emotion but I would never choose to hurt anyone’s feelings. So yeah, it sucks. But I can deal.

2. What sucks the most about SAHM life?

The housework!!!! Omg the housework. I hate it! Cleaning bathrooms (gross), washing dishes (ugh does that sink ever get empty???), vacuuming (every damn day because of our cats), washing clothes (how do we use SO MUCH clothes?), ironing (just kidding! I don’t bother) and cooking. I count cooking as a chore now because I no longer get any enjoyment from it. Now its just a case of ‘what can I make that’s quick and relatively healthy?’ So yeah, if it weren’t for the housework I feel as if I would have much more time to really enjoy my kids. 

I’m going to be cheeky and add another on here. What really gets my goat is that people don’t get what I do all day. Every time I am asked ‘so what do you do all day?’ I want to scream. I literally want to throw my head back and scream. The thing is, even if I listed everything I did, the person asking the question still wouldn’t get it. It really is a job that has to be experienced to be understood. I understand that some people are just curious and I can usually tell by the tone of the question whether it’s curiousity or assholism driving the question. Usually.
3. Facebook or Instagram?
Facebook. I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. It’s a real timewaster but is such a great way of staying in touch with people without actually having to talk to them. Plus it’s a great way to store photos. I’m currently more in the Love phase at the moment since I made my blog public.
4. It’s the PTA Bakesale (is that a thing in SA?): homemade, store bought, or NOPE?
You know, I actually have no idea if that’s a thing here. I know there’s usually a few parents on the School Governing Body but I haven’t heard of bakesales the way you guys have in the States. I think the closest alternative would be Bakerman where every kid gets a Friday each term to be said ‘Bakerman’ and their parent has to stay up past midnight in the kitchen the night before, baking something according to the theme of the week. It’s pretty cool (for the kids) who end up with Frog Prince cupcakes or Incey Wincey Brownies but it’s kind of a pain in the ass to be honest. I’m just gonna outsource the next one.

 

You should totally subscribe to her blog. (I’m pretty excited to see the new 2018 version myself!) And follow her on Facebook. And Instagram.

Also, I mentioned that I really wanted to visit Cape Town and apparently it is the coolest place ever: “PLEASE save up and book that flight to Cape Town! Sooner rather than later. You will not regret it. South Africa is ridiculously beautiful, but if you’re planning your first trip then Cape Town is the place to be. We lived there for a year and not a day went by that I didn’t feel like I was on holiday. It’s gorgeous. Like living in a postcard. Plus there’s a crazy amount of kid friendly places there. And THE FOOD!!!! Omg the food 😍 I love it!!!!! Plus I feel that if you go to Cape Town you will definitely want to see other places in South Africa. So many gems.”

So. Nadia lives in paradise. But I like her anyway. I think you will too.

Chugga Chugga Choo Choo.

Published on by Darlene Dee2 Comments

Lately I feel like The Little Engine That Really Wants to But OMFG JUST CAN’T.

Moving is hard, y’all.

I have moved about a million times in my teens and twenties. But now I’ve lived in the same place for over ten years and WHY DO I HAVE SO MUCH STUFF???

One fun little bonus is that I am NOT buying food. We are trying hard to eat all of the food in the freezer.

So. Yay. Cooking.

Or, often, take-out. Or fast food.

By the way, did you see the adorable train set that was part of the McDonald’s kid’s meal in December? Yeah. We almost got the whole thing. You get how my month went now, right? I DID remember to feed the baby in December. She’s addicted to fruit. I kind of don’t blame her but I wish it was in season.

  • bananas $1.25, $0.95
  • cake pop $2
  • Cheerios $3.99, $5.29, $4.99
  • flaxseed milk (she uses enough that one per month is on her) $3.99
  • apples $4.89, $5.99, $2.74, $5.51
  • honeydew $3.37
  • grapes $5.47
  • cantaloupe $3.99, $3.99
  • mango $4.99
  • eggs $4.49
  • watermelon $11.39
  • frozen pizza $2.50, $2.50, $2.50
  • cookie dough $3.00 (more craft than food but whatever)
  • pink frosting $1.72 (more craft than food but whatever)
  • Five Guys hot dog $4.79, $4.79
  • Chick-fil-A* $3.29 + .20, $3.29 + .20, $3.29 + .20, $3.29 + .20
  • McDonald’s Happy Meal $2.99, $2.99, $2.99, $2.99, $2.99
  • extra toy because I’m that mom apparently $1.86

*Oh, something kinda cool: we stopped at Chick-fil-A while traveling before Christmas and Santa Cow was randomly there!! We made cool Chick-fil-A ornaments and colored pictures and waved at Santa Cow from a safe distance.

And let’s not forget our boring recurring monthly charges.

  • diapers $14.99, $8.99
  • wipes $4.49
  • Laundry detergent $8.46
  • baby bath $7.99
  • storage unit $127
  • extra tank of gas $40

RAISING BABYSTAR: $25,380.12

Santa, Interrupted.

Published on by Darlene Dee1 Comment

Oh, the Holidays. The time of year when we try our hardest not to offend those we love and cherish. Or something like that.

Because we are moving soon (OMFG I NEED TO PACK), we took the ToddlerMonster to visit one set of grandparents in Myrtle Beach. The Teens* were in Florida with their dad and we all met back home after Christmas.

*The boy Teen just turned twenty-one and has not been a teenager for a few years but I have no other name for the two of them. The Teens is just so short and easy. I am open to suggestion, as they don’t care for the alternatives I have proposed: The Freeloaders, The Children of the Last Millennium (abbreviated COLT), or the Starter Kids.

SO ANYWAY.

Babystar is and was and remains all about Santa this year. And THE TEENS wanted to watch her experience SantaMagic and open her other gifts because they love her and they are brats. So we waited.

We told Babystar that Santa took her gift to her house. When we were just about to leave for Myrtle Beach last week, I ran back inside to hang the stockings. And I left instructions for THE TEENS to build the trains set ‘from Santa’. The shenanigans were only 99.9999% stressful and annoying.

But worth it. Ugh. Loving your kids is SO OVERRATED.

(Presents do not equal love. This whole delaying Christmas so all three of my favorite children could be happy and get what they wanted DOES equal love.)

But. Um. Y’all. I feel like I must Confess.

Babystar had WAY TOO MANY presents to open last night. And I didn’t even realize that it had happened.

Christmas shopping was done from about September to November. Sometimes via Amazon in the middle of the night. (When those packages arrived, I put them straight into a closet without opening them. So I guess I may have forgotten about them.) Often the Girl Teen was at Target with me, and she is a huge Babystar enabler. It is just so much FUN to choose toys for little kids. And so the Target bags would go in one closet or another and I guess I sort of forgot about them.

We even wrapped all of these gifts in November. The Teen and I had a wrapping party and we had music and snacks and it was fun and I was sad when it was over so I didn’t realize that I had purchased an entire toy store for the two year old.

It’s actually quite lucky that we are moving to a big farmhouse with no friends because she will have plenty of toys to play with and plenty of room to keep them and plenty of time to play with them. But soon I have to pack them. Ugh.

Santa brought her the train set that she wanted. Of course it was made by elves, but I think their summer job is at Ikea. Ikea would have charged $57.96 for all of the pieces that Santa’s elves made. And some are still in the closet. Santa went overboard.

Her Christmas stocking was full of chocolate coins* ($1.99), three packs of pink Play-doh ($0.77 x 3), a Rudolph board book ($1), a pack of M&Ms ($1.29), a Princess Poppy expandable washcloth from the Target dollar aisle which she already used last night ($1), ten adorable ‘monsters’ from Ikea** ($7.40), and a tiny baby doll*** ($3.59).

*Did you see those awesome Coins from Around the World for $1.99/bundle at Trader Joe’s this year??

**Ikea chooses ten kid’s drawings each year and turns them into stuffed animals with two sizes each and all proceeds go to charity and it is the cutest thing.

***Her Toddler BFF has this little baby from Target and Babystar loooooves it. Her BFF calls her ‘Baby Lucy’ so this one is naturally ‘Baby Lucy’.

And then there were a million more gifts wrapped under the tree.

  • Melissa and Doug felt food Sandwich Set
  • Melissa and Doug Scoop and Stack Ice Cream Cone Magnetic Play Set $21.20
  • Melissa and Doug Birthday Party Cake $14.97
  • Felt donuts from the Target ‘dollar aisle’ $3
  • Wooden breakfast food from the Target ‘dollar aisle’ $3
  • Strawberry Shortcake doll $9.99
  • Angel Cake doll $9.99
  • Blueberry Muffin doll $9.99
  • Orange Blossom doll $9.99
  • vintage Huckleberry Pie doll from eBay $9.95

I tucked Huck in with Angel Cake because she was the only one without a giant hat.

  • Terra Prehistoric World Playset (basically an awesome giant bin of dinosaurs) $15.99
  • CAT mini machines (“just like at nook!”) 5-pack $4.69

CAT trucks at nook

  • Hotwheels car launcher (meant to go with a track but Babystar just likes to zoom her cars) $9.97
  • Moana pajamas $17.97
  • Usborne books: Ludwig the Space Dog (it’s 3D!) and My First Book About Me (to help with naming feelings) $28.24
  • Three adorable winter hats with animal ears ($3, $3, $3)
  • Lacing toy for building fine motor skills $3
  • Honestly Cute Potty Training set (a baby doll with a flushing potty that she already adores and is currently peeing on my table and I hope will get Babystar excited about using the potty herself) $20.69
  • Play-doh Florist Shop $9.99
  • (We also bought an 18-pack of Play-doh but didn’t give it to her. We have been doling it out as she smooshes her Play-doh colors together.) $15.49

I did luckily get most of these things on sale. But dude. Yeah. It’s a bit much. I know, I know. I have no idea how this happened?

Parents: Got any advice for reigning it in with the gifts? I didn’t THINK I was an Over-Do-It Mama but apparently I am one. Bummer.

RAISING BABYSTAR: $25,036.15