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Hell is Costuming a Toddler.

Published on October 31, 2016December 12, 2016 by Darlene Dee9 Comments

I hereby announce my candidacy for President and this is my entire platform: I am calling for a ban on toddler Halloween costumes. Make Halloween Sane Again.

I totally planned ahead and everything. Over a week ago, I went to PartyCity and Partyland and Partyville and PartyHell and all of the Partys to find a Lion costume for Babystar.

(Do you know what is fun? Shopping in a crowded costume shop with an overstimulated, curious toddler racing down the aisles. Four stars.)

I could not find a single one in her size. I found a small lion costume and a big lion costume but not a Babystar-sized lion costume. I DID, however, buy some pieces to complete our genius family costume of ‘Lion, Tiger, and Bear, Oh My’. The Teenager was to be a tiger, and I found a tiger head hat, paws, and tail set for her. I was to be a bear. I could only find a panda bear mask but ok. I have black and white clothes. And we planned to make Husband a shirt that said ‘OH MY’. (My brother said he should just dress like George Takei because my brother is hilarious but no one has time for all that.)

I also bought a lion mask because Babystar loved it (and in fact still loves it). She brings us all the mask and when we put it on, we have a little growl party. I spent $65.58 at the Party Store on tiger and panda pieces. And I can return none of it.*

And then I went home and ordered a lion costume from Amazon for $22.60, sized 12-18 months. Boom. Thanks, Amazon Prime.

Friday was my MOMS group Halloween party. It was only me and Babystar so I thought we would both just go as lions. I could wear the superfun mask and we could growl and laugh and growl and laugh and it would be fantastic. Nope. I couldn’t find the mask anywhere. Who knows where that ToddlerMonster hid it? But it didn’t even matter because she WOULD NOT wear her lion costume at all for anything no way fuck you.

Ok, fine. No problem, Babystar. I get it. You don’t want that big adorable mane on your head. I changed into my Batman t-shirt and found the Robin costume from the Superhero 5K last spring and it looked like it would still fit. It would have totally fit, except no way mom this polyester shit sucks and you can keep your stupid cape and I AM NOT WEARING THIS NOOOOOOOOOO.

Crap. The party was in three hours.

I noticed that Babystar was wearing her monster pajamas during all of this Costume Torture. And I saw one of her new monster slippers that she LOVED (post forthcoming). Mama had an idea. Mama is smart.

I looked for the other slipper for forty-five solid minutes. I texted the Teenager at school and the Husband at work. I emptied every ottoman and looked under all the furniture. I even had Babystar in on the game. Nope.

So I changed the baby into regular boring clothes and we went ‘bye-bye’ with two hours until party time.

My first stop was Carter’s and I hurriedly bought three options. I bought a pair of cotton pajamas with a skeleton on them and a pair of fleece pajamas with a monster face on them and a butterfly costume that I didn’t think she would wear but at least looked cute and comfortable. Everything was clearance, so I spent $28.39 on all three. One of these would work for the party, right?

(Are you keeping count? We are now at FIVE costumes options.)

But now what to do for the family thing on Saturday afternoon? And actual Halloween night? Off to Target we went.

I bought two adult sized cat onesies. (The Teenager already had one from two years ago that she wore to school on Halloween.) And they were miraculously all three different! I then found a fluffy kitty jacket in 2T that Babystar liked and actually put on in the store! Miracle! Plus she could wear it all year — it wasn’t a costume. That is the trick! (Or is it the treat?!) I bought her a pair of black leggings and BOOM. $64.48 later and we were a Family of Cats. A Pounce of Cats. A Nuisance of Cats.

So on Friday afternoon, she wore the skeleton pajamas to the MOMS Club party. I have no pictures because all she did was crawl up and down the stairs so we had to leave early. Of course.

On Saturday afternoon, we went ‘trick or treating’ at the Village of Shirlington near our house. She wore the black leggings with a black t-shirt (her 9:30 Club shirt turned inside out) and since it was actually quite surprisingly warm, she wore an adorable black furry vest with cat ears that was a hand-me-down from her cousin that I just found that morning on a shelf in her closet and ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.

She shared our pizza lunch after Trick or Treating on Saturday but I did buy her a Halloween balloon for $3.24 and it is her favorite thing in the world.

Tonight it will probably be chillier after dark so she will wear the same thing except with the long sleeve kitty jacket from Target.

Six costumes. SIX. Lion, Robin, skeleton, monster, butterfly, and kitty.

I fully intend to return the fleece pajamas and butterfly costume to Carter’s but I intend a lot of things. I tried to GIVE AWAY the lion costume and the Robin costume by posting on Facebook a few times since Friday’s ~~costume meltdown~~ fun new information about Babystar, but so far I’ve had no takers. Is everyone really so much more on top of this than me? Ugh. Probably.

Happy Halloween! Meow.

RAISING BABYSTAR: $12,974.80

*I returned some of the lion and panda things to PartyHell but of course I could only get store credit. The Teenager and I picked some family friendly (boring smiley) Halloween decorations and we got a tail for our smallest kitty. Maybe she will even wear it tonight!

When Grandma Comes to Town.

Published on October 27, 2016December 12, 2016 by Darlene DeeLeave a comment

Granny and Grampy (the in-laws) were in town last weekend and they wanted to take Babystar shopping for things that she NEEDS. I anticipated this because I am excellent at seeing the future and because they do this every time (AND because they kept reminding me) so I thought Stride Rite seemed the perfect destination.

Babystar got new Mary Janes because her current favorite shoes are about to not fit anymore (and I have no idea where to buy them). And she also got some fuzzy-inside, comfy winter boots because it gets cold here in Northern Virginia. So that was wonderful and very helpful. And Babystar even got a few stickers. Luckily, Stride Rite made sure she knew which stickers were appropriate for a little girl via the tried-and-true color coding system. And luckily my baby don’t give a fuuuuck. You already know we came home with Star Wars AND Sesame Street WHAAAAAAAAAT.

Have you ever been to Tyson’s Corner Mall? If you live in or near Northern Virginia, the answer is probably yes. Do you know what store is right next door to Stride Rite? If you said the American Girl store, you win. Guess what you win? You get to give ME $100.

I have already gone on record about the American Girl store. But I’m not even mad. Here’s how it went down. Babystar raced into the red and pink wonderland so Grammy and I followed.

Babystar headed straight for the ‘babies’ like they were calling her name and singing her favorite songs and I’m not convinced that they weren’t. And of course the ‘babies’ are on REALLY LOW shelves, right? So here is Babystar manipulating Grammy into bringing a Bitty Baby home with us.

So effective, right? I almost want to buy her one and I DEFINITELY DO NOT want to buy her one.

Of course it worked. She even got an extra outfit because she said ‘kitty’ and pointed to an outfit with a cat on it. (Yes, she knows the word kitty and I am very proud but am I more proud of her vocabulary or her clear ability to control her world around her? I’m not sure yet.)

She immediately has to show Grampy who is waiting on the bench outside because he is smart. And she is smart.

And then be ALL CUTE about it. Jeez, ok, that little pose is worth $60, I guess. Suckers.

And here I imagine her thinking, mama, give me the camera. This is none of your business.

The lovely, thoughtful, well-meaning grandparents also bought her three pairs of maxaloones from etsy because I wanted her to have pants that will fit over her cloth diapers and hopefully last an entire season. I let Grammy pick (but I only showed her cute ones to choose from) and I’m excited for them to arrive in the mail!

RAISING BABYSTAR: $12,790.51

Baby’s First Hurricane.

Published on October 12, 2016December 12, 2016 by Darlene Dee2 Comments

Yes, I saw the weather reports. I think I might be dumb. LUCKILY, it turns out I’m also lucky.

We flew to Florida last week to visit Grandma, Grandpapa, Great-Grandma (inexplicably called Cookie by the great-grandkids), Auntie Kelly, and 2yo awesome cousin Xan. My sister and I had big plans of taking the kids to St. Augustine and downtown Jacksonville and to the cool Children’s Museum in Jacksonville. And I had big plans of hitting the awesome and sanely priced children’s resale shops in the area. And maybe even go check out Bay & Bee, where I have never been but sent my oldest son to get my sweet mesh Tula.

Nope. None of it. Everything was closed even before the rain so everyone could prepare for the rain. And I know the storm was really bad on the coast, but my parents live so far inland (translation: middle of nowhere-sticks-boonies-BFE) that the whole Hurricane Matthew thing felt anticlimactic.

We stayed at Grandma’s the whole time so the only money I spent on Babystar was $27.45 for a grocery run for her fancy eggs and ingredients for her pasta and a bunch of fruit and a pack of diapers.

Luckily, there was a baby swing outside and a sliding board and the coolest homemade indoor ball pit EVER.

But I think both toddlers’ favorite toy in the whole house is Cookie’s walker. Xan can do some sweet 2-year-old tricks but Babystar is still in the investigation stages.

RAISING BABYSTAR: $12,470.54

Busy Babystar

Published on September 16, 2016 by Darlene Dee1 Comment

We love Busy Bees in Falls Church. It’s right next to a Chik-fil-a so it’s the perfect Friday after school treat for both the Teenager and Babystar. Babies are free until age one and today was the first time we had to pay! Twelve whole dollars and she spent almost the whole time going up and down these stairs.

Thank goodness she’s cute.

RAISING BABYSTAR: $12,049.13