Moving. Is. The. Worst.

It’s true. Moving suuuuuuucks.

I have a theory. Moving is so terrible that talking or thinking about a past move brings on a sort of PTSD situation. This is why no one tells you how bad it is. And so when you ask your friends and family and acquaintances for recommendations, no one really wants to think about that horrible time in their life. So they just pretend they didn’t hear you or avert their eyes and walk run away in a state of avoidance.

I get it. I don’t want to talk about it either. But I think that’s how I ended up with the WORST MOVERS EVER and I was crying on moving day but only because the mean mover guy made me hang out in 40 degree weather with no coat for two hours while he told me AFTER LOADING ALL MY STUFF that it was going to cost about twice what I thought. Fuck that guy. (I mean, thank goodness my husband’s company paid for the move, but it was still awful. And they couldn’t fit Babystar’s playhouse. And I was cold and tired and hungry and he kept adding wrong and starting over and talking to someone on that stupid phone clipped to his ear and omg I’m having flashbacks.)

Ok. Forget it. Never use Long Distance Movers. Oh yeah, I’m linking to them so you know exactly who I think you should never ever use. Trust me on this one.

(Though the guys that moved us IN in Colorado were simply lovely. But they also contracted for United Movers so maybe use them instead.)

So, moving sucks. Colorado is AWESOME, you guys. FREAKING. AWESOME.

But moving still sucks. I am STILL not completely unpacked. And that’s not even counting all the boxes in the basement. There is still one box in my bedroom and a few hidden in closets throughout this farmhouse. I doubt I will ever truly finish. I give up.

ANYWAY.

I have totally been feeding Babystar this whole time. And we went some fun places too. We also went a lot of boring places so Babystar got some cool Patience Presents. And I bought more Cat & Jack clothes from Target because they are so darn cute. And I bought other stuff because I am a sleep-deprived sucker.

I have a pile of receipts and no time or desire to take pictures or think of clever titles for separate blog posts so I’m going to cheat and list a whole bunch of stuff here.

(You know, for the Smithsonian. Yep, that one. Babystar turns eighteen in 2033. Hey Smithsonian, hit me up then, k? K.)

  • Princess Poppy pillowcase (for the bed she still won’t sleep in) $4.79
  • Princess Poppy blanket (that she at least uses in her teepee) $9.59
  • This adorable shirt because why is Target so cute!? $4.50
  • This shirt for St. Patrick’s day $4.50
  • Two more shirts and some leggings $5, $4.50, $5
  • Princess Poppy hat that we lost the same day $0.90

 

poppy hat

  • Some Usborne books from a friend’s virtual party plus shipping $21.97
  • Brand new awesome stuffed Branch doll from thrift store $5
  • If You Give a Mouse a Cookie book from thrift store $1
  • heart shaped rock $6
  • green rock from a random shop in downtown Boulder $2
  • quartz crystal (yes, the kid loves rocks) $5
  • Blue!! from eBay (that tag lasted twenty years outside of my house but twenty seconds inside of my house) $26.70

blue puppy

  • 3-pack of Contigo water bottles from Costco $11.99
  • Coffee and snacks and tip at Java Mama which is a cool coffeeshop with a playspace that I wish was closer to my house $12.43
  • three sets of 4T pajamas from Costco that were marked $3.99 but I just noticed while looking at the receipt that I paid $7.99 each and I’m slightly annoyed although I knew that price was too good to be true
  • dinosaur dig kits from the Target dollar aisles $3 (times three)
  • four mall dinosaur rides, you know, those animal shaped ride on things in every mall in America $40
  • four mall carousel rides $4
  • another trip to Frolic, an indoor play place a bit too far from the house $9.86
  • a trip with dad to the Denver Children’s Museum $26
  • three crochet finger puppets from the grocery store line $2.99 (I didn’t know the price until they rang up and I was already feeling too defeated to try to put them back)
  • m&m tee shirt and m&m’s from dad’s trip to NY $29.65
  • Aldi wipes $3.49 times four because I made my son bring back a bunch from the east coast in February because Aldi wipes 4 lyfe and now anyone that visits me from the east coast needs to please bring me Aldi wipes because I miss them so much ok thanks
  • Other wipes $3.79, $3.49, $4.99, $6.99
  • Diapers $14.99, $7.99, $21.99, $21.99, $14.99, $14.99
  • laundry detergent (she shares with us obvs) $4 per month so $16 through April
  • Seventh Generation Coconut care baby wash $7.99
  • Honest bubble bath (that she asked for but hates) $10.79
  • Babyganics bath wash $8.99
  • bathtub crayons $2.99
  • dinosaur egg bath fizz thingy that she hates $1.49, $1.49
  • January food $159.42
  • February food $144.06
  • March food $142.24
  • April food $146.94 (Hit me up if you want the full list. I’m talking to you, Smithsonian. Also, I see your kid’s meal price jumps, Chick-fil-A.)

RAISING BABYSTAR: $28,033.62

(And now, hopefully, back to our regularly scheduled sass.)

 

 

The Longest Christmas Season.

Did you know that this year we have the most days possible between Thanksgiving and Christmas?

Which means that THIS YEAR we have the longest Christmas season possible.

I love lights and trees and wrapping presents and holiday playlists so this is SO LIT.

We bought Christmas trees the day after Thanksgiving. The ToddlerMonster was super excited. But she didn’t want a big tree. (Mama did though so obvs we have one.)

But she got her little tree too. HER CUTE FACE IS IRRESISTIBLE! Literally impossible to resist.

christmas tree cutting

littletree

The little tree is in her bedroom, waiting for ornaments. ($40 plus a $25 small stand.) I have a feeling we have started a new tradition.

Oh look, there’s that $9.99 robot pillow we bought at Ikea. Yet another offering to the Goddess of Tantrum-Free Shopping.

What else have I forgotten? Gas. For years and years, I filled the minivan once a month. I worked from home and I hate driving anywhere outside the beltway. But now, I fill the tank TWICE a month. I still don’t often leave the beltway but Babystar and I find ourselves on mini adventures every day. This started when she was about eighteen months old and noticed that we were walking to the same three playgrounds and one library. So a year ago. And a tank of gas is about $40. I’ll add $480 for the last year and $40 per month going forward unless something changes.

Oh, and diaper pail liners! We buy one pack of Harris Teeter brand thirteen-gallon trash bags every month and we only use them in the Ubbi diaper pail. We bought the diaper pail in February of 2016, twenty-one months ago. The bags are $6.47 per box. Um. Math. That’s $135.87 so far. And I’ll add the $6.47 going forward until we are done with diapers.

I wonder what else I have missed. There hasn’t been a change in the electric bill or anything like that. I used to work from home, so we had the air or heat on all the time anyway. Am I overlooking anything obvious?

Yes. The Target Baby Box. $7.42. They only offer the Baby Box once in awhile but I got one last month! We already love the honest face and body lotion — both of us. Babystar likes to lotion her hands and legs and put on chapstick just like mama. SO CUTE I COULD DIE. (You see why she gets her own Christmas tree just by asking nicely, right??)

target baby box fall 2017

And again with the food. Below is November’s list. I KNOW that this part is horribly boring but I’m really all about the accuracy here. Just skip reading this part. I don’t mind. I barely want to write it. All those bullet points and typing, ugh. Amirite?

  • Costco fruit bowl 9.99
  • waffles 2.50, 2.50
  • blueberries 6.99, 3.99
  • pirate’s booty 8.99
  • Costco hot dog 1.50
  • IKEA pizza 1.75
  • IKEA hot dog .75
  • IKEA water 1.00
  • Trader Joe’s strawberry bar 1.99, 1.99
  • Trader Joe’s fig bar 1.99
  • Trader Joe’s toaster strudels 2.69, 2.69
  • Mac and cheese 2.99, 2.99, 2.99, 2.99
  • cheese slices 4.99
  • pasta snakes (penne) 1.49
  • letter cookies 2.99
  • bananas 1.50
  • Honest juice boxes for popsicles 3.69, 3.69
  • frozen pizzas (don’t judge me!) 3.14 3.14, 2.15, 2.15, 2.15, 2.15 (hell of a sale!)
  • vanilla ice cream 4.49
  • McDonald’s Happy Meal 2.99, 2.99, 4.19 (they gave me the wrong one but I didn’t bother to complain), 2.99
  • Chick-fil-A kid’s meal with uncharge on my fries to share 3.49 + .20
  • Chick-fil-A kid’s meal 3.49 + .20
  • Chick-fil-A kid’s meal 3.49 + .20
  • Chick-fil-A kid’s meal 3.49 + .20
  • cantaloupe 3.99
  • grapes 4.24, 4.76
  • tots 3.49, 1.65
  • Panera kid’s meal 4.99
  • small box of cereal at 7-11 1.99 (ripoff)
  • Busboys and Poets kid’s pasta and juice plus tip 10.00
  • Harry’s fries plus tip $7
  • goldfish crackers 2.49, 1.79
  • animal crackers 1.49
  • Haagen Dazs sundae 5.68
  • turkey pepperoni 2.19, 2.19
  • strawberries 2.99
  • penguin crackers 1.49, 1.49, 1.49

We bought some other boring stuff in November.

  • diapers 23.49, 15.09
  • bubble bath 14.09
  • baby wipes 3.49, 2.99, 4.99, 2.99, 3.29
  • laundry detergent 8.46
  • storage unit 127.00

 

Hopefully you haven’t read all the way down here because WHO CARES about the cost of grapes in November although why are grapes always on sale in November? I never noticed until I started writing this shit down. It’s such a weird time for them to be in season. When is grape season? I need to go to bed.

RAISING BABYSTAR: $24,297.64

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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July is for Ice Cream and Popsicles.

Babystar is ALL ABOUT POPSICLES. We bought the Popsicle brand (that’s a brand, right?) sugar-free version but then she was eating SO MANY of them that we were like, hold up, aspartame and food dyes are bad, right? (My husband pointed this out and I was a proud Crunchy Mama and also an embarrassed Crunchy Mama because I should have thought of this myself. But alas, I am forever a TIRED Crunchy Mama so I immediately forgave myself and then forgot what I forgave myself for.)

**Blogger’s Note: I learned at Wordcamp DC that you should avoid run-on sentences for better SEO so basically I’m fucked because run-on sentences are totally my bae. And so is (ironic) slang which is another SEO no-no. Um, whoops?

What was I talking about? Was it sleep? It is usually sleep. Oh! Popsicles.

I had previously purchased a pack of popsicle molds at Ikea and I had a bunch of Honest juice boxes left over from Babystar’s birthday party so I filled the popsicles molds with juice and crossed my fingers that she would like them. SHE LOVED THEM. And these are way better for her than the store-bought popsicles. I could make them even healthier by adding vegetable juices but I’m a bit too lazy for all that. I like having that option, though. I can pretend to be a much better mother than I actually am.

 

ALSO: One Honest juice box fills THREE Ikea size popsicle molds and a pack of forty juice boxes at Costco is $9.99 so these babies are less than nine cents each. I let Babystar have as many of these homemade popsicles as she wants, because she only ever drinks water otherwise. If she eats six popsicles in a day (honestly about average) but only eats half of each popsicle (her usual M.O.), she’s basically had one juice box. I am completely fine with that.

Since Babystar usually only eats about half of one before it is a drippy mess, we taught her to put the popsicle stick in the sink when she is finished. (Yay for independent toddlers!) Of course, the grown-ups in the house have to check the garbage disposal for the popsicle sticks and we have failed more than once. I was at Ikea shopping for Dorm Essential (SOB!) last week so I bought three more packs of the popsicle molds (only $1.99 now!) so that we never ever ever run out of popsicles.

We also bought some more food for Babystar in July. Though she really isn’t eating that much right now. And we rolled into July with a surplus (due to lots of family visiting).

  • Strawberries $3, $3, $1.29, $1.29, $1.29
  • Blueberries $3.99, $1.99, $3.12
  • Popsicles $3 (before the switch)
  • Apples $4.99, $3.99, $3.99
  • Honest juice boxes at Costco $9.99
  • Granola bars $1.99
  • Frozen french fries (we bought more but we share so only one on her tally) $3.59
  • Animal crackers $1.49, $1.49
  • Penguin crackers $1.49, $1.49, $1.49, $1.49
  • Pasta Snakes (Babystar’s name for penne) $1.39
  • Sea bass (spoiled baby) $12
  • Cod $4.50
  • Rotisserie chicken (half) $2.50
  • Tots $3, $1.65, $1.65
  • Haagen-Daas ice cream on a stick $3
  • Chick-fil-A kids meal $3.39, $3.39, $3.39, $3.39
  • McDonalds kids meal $2.99, $2.99
  • Cracker Barrel kids meal $4.99
  • La Cantina kids quesadilla $5.50
  • Pizza at food court $3.69
  • Haagen-Diaz cone with sprinkles (yes she had to have the sprinkle cone) $6.83
  • Peter Chang’s Spring Rolls and fried rice $3.50, $3.50, $3.50
  • Estimated overtipping for dining out with a toddler $15 (five meals out)

I’m also going to add in some boring things that do not deserve their own blog post but we totally bought so I need to add into the total somewhere and here is as good as anywhere.

  • Baby nail clippers two-pack (I briefly lost hers but of course I found them again) $4.55
  • Nook membership for May/June/July $360 ($120 per month and we love it; Nook is not boring but constantly posting about the monthly fee is boring. And they are discontinuing the monthly membership option as of today, which makes me sad but might mean cooler things are coming. We shall see.)
  • The train at Tyson’s Mall which is NOT boring but I forgot to post about it $10, $11 (They either charge more on weekends or less with cash but I need to investigate this discrepancy.)
  • White paper pads from Target $2.19 (x6).  Babystar looooves coloring so I have a special drawer for her with crayons and paper so she can color when the inspiration strikes which is every single second.
  • Giant pack of AA batteries from Costco $14.99. I realize that most of these batteries go into Babystar’s toys. (Toys that were gifts because what parent purchased battery-operated toys ON PURPOSE?)

RAISING BABYSTAR: $20,336.21