Christmas – BabyCostsMoney

Monday’s Mama is a Virgin Who Can’t Drive.

Published on December 25, 2017December 25, 2017 by Darlene Dee3 Comments

(RIP Brittany Murphy.)

Our December 25th Monday’s Mama is perhaps the most famous mama of all. She is SO famous, that when people say “Mother and Child”, they usually mean this chick.

Happy Labor Day, Mary of Nazareth.

Merry Christmas, to those of you that celebrate.

Merry Monday, to those of you that recognize the Roman calendar.

Babystar is growing up in a blended household. My husband is a practicing Christian. He even served a few years as a deacon in his church. A DEACON, Y’ALL. I was a Deacon’s Wife. I love his awesome multi-denominational Mennonite church. Everyone there is a hippie liberal social justice warrior. They all try to be like the chill Jesus dude. The Jesus that fed the hungry and welcomed immigrants and sheltered the homeless and advocated for the marginalized. On (most) Sunday mornings, Babystar goes to church with my husband and plays in the nursery with her friends. She sings songs and does crafts and has a snack and sits with the (three year old) big girls and she freaking loves it.

I love it too. I drink coffee in bed and enjoy the time to myself. I get a little upset when they don’t go to church. I’m not gonna lie. I may have ~~insinuated~~ insisted more than once that Jesus is probably crying because he misses them so much. (To my husband, not to Babystar. I’m not a monster.)

According to my husband, I am basically a hippie witch. I believe that everyone is right when it comes to religion. And everyone is wrong. I dig the ancient remedies, and I’m all about some candle magic and essential oils and herbal potions and putting spells into the Universe. Love and light, my friends.

We respect each other’s faith and spirituality. It works for us. We discussed this AT LENGTH before conceiving a child. We decided to expose her to both of our views, and other views, as they come up in life naturally. Babystar will someday choose for herself. And she will likely change her mind again and again. That’s ok.

Back to Monday’s Mama, who throughout history is the most famous Madonna of the two Major Madonnas. Wikipedia says there have been between three and six billion bibles sold and only 300 million Madonna albums sold worldwide. (To be fair, the OG Madonna had a huge head start.)

Mary deserves better. If the hype is legit, Mary had a freaking BABY in a freaking BARN with no epidural, no drugs of any kind, no midwife or doctor or shaman. And the woman was surrounded by literal animals. Have you ever seen a Nativity Scene without at least a sheep and usually a camel? No.

Put the camel outside, people.

After all this, she gives birth to a god and THEN WHAT? How is she not a Goddess?!? At least the Catholics know she is Divine and made her a Saint.

Jews for Jesus is a thing. A strange thing, but a thing nonetheless. Imma tell my husband to start Mennonites for Mary. I’m sure he’s going to get right on that.

Santa Baby.

Published on December 8, 2017December 8, 2017 by Darlene Dee10 Comments

December 7, 2017. Yesterday. AKA the day I met the REAL Santa Claus.

YOU GUYS, OMG!

Babystar is mildly obsessed with Santa this year. She loves his beard (just like Granddaddy, she says) and his reindeer and mostly his laugh. “Ho, ho, ho.”

She also knows that he will bring her a present. (I don’t get in to that whole if you’re good thing. Yet.)

Today we decided to go visit Santa at the nearest mall, which happens to be Pentagon City mall. The Teenager and I also booked free Aveda mini-facials because I really thought that Babystar would be all HELL NO when it was time to meet Santa.

I was incorrect.

Before we left, she wanted to find a present to bring him. At first, she wanted to bring him a strawberry smoothie. (Not even his own. She just wanted to share one with him.) The Teenager finished the smoothie (thank you darling daughter) so she had to find something else. On Wednesday, we made tons of salt dough ornaments, so she wanted to bring Santa some ‘decorations.’ She decided on a ‘heart’ and a ‘guy’ aka gingerbread man shape.

Y’all. I had no idea she was this fucking sweet. (Or this genius? Either her toddler heart is full of kindness or she’s stacking the Nice List in her favor.)

I mean, I knew she was sweet, but Bring-A-Gift-TO-Santa sweet? Amazing. #blessed

We went to see Santa and she gave him the ‘decorations’ and he asked her to help him put them on his Christmas tree.

She said she DID NOT WANT to go anywhere near his chair, and Santa was fine with it. He talked to her by the tree, and thanked her for the gift, and gave her a sticker in return. When she left, she said, “I love you, Santa.” And she wouldn’t put the sticker anywhere. She had to save it since “Santa gave it to me.” It is still unstuck, and I think we have to keep it for eternity.

Y’all. IT WAS A STICKER. All stickers immediately go SOMEWHERE. Not this one.

Please note: this wonderful man who is clearly the REAL Santa Claus hung out with Babystar even though she was NOT going anywhere near the picture bench. And the lovely photo people there let me take a few cell phone shots of them together since the mall camera didn’t turn that way.

Pentagon City Mall, you did it. You found him. Well done. If you are in the DC Metro Area, the real Santa is at Pentagon City. Shhhh. It’s a secret.

We left Santa Claus. The big girls got our facials. We all had some lunch. On the way out, Babystar decided to go say hi to Santa again. There was no line so I figured it was fine.

Her ornaments were still on the tree.

Santa showed her the ornaments, and then Babystar and Santa started chanting ‘HO HO HO’ to one another.

Babystar decided that she wanted to sit with Santa but not ON HIS LAP. (Obviously that was ok. We are all about consent.) Babystar wanted her sister with her, but she was really excited to be on SANTA’S CHAIR!

So. Yeah. I dropped fifty bucks ($52.98) on the cutest Santa picture ever. The package was $29.99 and the frame (yep) was $19.99. And now this pic (both of the girls!) is part of our official Christmas decorations. Right next to my firstborn at only nine days old on Santa’s lap in 1996.

Oh, you see that Santa hat she’s wearing? It is not a prop from the mall. Babystar BROUGHT IT with her so she could ‘match with Santa’.

Call 911. I’m dead.

RAISING BABYSTAR: $24,423.71

Boxing Day.

Published on December 26, 2016April 9, 2017 by Darlene Dee3 Comments

I hope you had a very merry Christmas, if you celebrate Christmas. Or are in the midst of a happy Hanukkah, if you celebrate Hanukkah. Or are enjoying a nice British Boxing Day, if you know what that is. And if you do, please tell me, because even Wikipedia is vague on the origins of Boxing Day. It’s either an extended Christmas (brilliant why didn’t we think of that!) or a Black Friday type situation. Either way, it sounds groovy.

I like to celebrate Boxing Day by removing boxes from my living room.

Christmas was bittersweet at my house. Babystar is here, of course, but the Teenager is visiting Florida where the College Boy now lives. So I only had one of my little chickens here on Christmas morning.

And I am super mean and am making the Teenager wait until she gets home to open her gifts. Or am I really awesome and creating a second Christmas in January? Yes. That one.

Santa brought a LION. As requested. And Babystar is terrified of the lion. He does look super scary tbh. Lion is currently living in the basement working as a guard lion in front of the work bench. So far, Babystar just likes to talk about her lion and growl and sometimes go wave at him. Someday they may become roommates but it’s definitely not happening in 2016. (Santa, what have you done? Whoops.)

How does Santa work at your house? Santa never wraps gifts here. He’s far too busy. And he only brings one special gift. But I am told that he has different arrangements with other good little boys and girls. What’s yours?

Also, we do the Somethings you Want, Need, Wear & Read deal. Christmas gifts were getting out of had so I had to stop the madness somehow. This seems to work. Except Babystar can’t count or understand this year so I wrapped up some extra things for her. For example, the dinosaur magnets and hammer toy have been hiding under brown paper in a box in the living room for weeks. I bought them when I bought her Buckle Bear (oh yeah, I’ll tell you later) because of an awesome sale and made them available in case anyone needed a tantrum distraction during this past month of skipped naps and added sugar. But they were still in that box when I was wrapping presents the other day so under the tree they went! The Ikea hammer set has been in the top of her closet forever because I bought it for my nephew but forgot to give it to him the last time he was here and it says 18 months so I thought he was too old for it now (but Ikea lied and I am once again putting it back at the top of her closet until she is ready) so under the tree it went! I just realized I gave Babystar two hammers for Christmas. Oh, well. Jesus was a carpenter, right? Hammers are totally Christmas-y.

2016 tally (not all are pictured above and some of her gifts were from other people’s bank accounts):

Lion $59.99 (Santa always makes us pay!)
wooden bus, airplane, helicopter, extra people $73.95
Melissa & Doug hammer toy (in picture) and dinosaur magnets $30.08
Three Usborne books $34.17 (a friend had a party this fall)
Re-play plates (and snack containers that didn’t get wrapped) $20.14
Dinosaur pajamas above were added to tally in previous post
Ikea toolset $7.99

Her Christmas haul was meant to be Something she Wants (wooden vehicles and yes she looooves them), Needs (more plates), Wears (pajamas), and Reads (books). The others snuck under the tree but I’ll be more strict next year, I promise. Probably. Otherwise, she might start to notice and then want extra presents in ten years when everything is holograms and hover boards.

RAISING BABYSTAR: $14,072.21

It’s Beginning to Look a Tiny Bit Like Christmas.

Published on December 21, 2016December 18, 2016 by Darlene Dee1 Comment

Just a little, though. HOW IS IT DECEMBER 21 ALREADY? By my math, I still have about three more weeks until Christmas. Right?

We bought a tree. I haven’t bought most gifts. Amazon Prime and I have a hot date tonight. I’m already chilling the pinot noir YES I KNOW IT’S RED WINE DON’T HATE.

The Teenagers and I made gingerbread houses last weekend. We totally had the Trader Joe’s White House kit from July, Haunted House kit from Halloween, and Gingerbread House kit from modern days, and we made them all into Christmas themed masterpieces. We listed to Christmas music and everything. Ta-dah! (Babystar was at Costco with her dad.)

Why yes, my smartass son did make the White House and updated it to the Trump House. That orange blob is Mr. Trump. That lady on the top is Hillz. When they go low, she goes high? Ah, Millennials.

We hung felt ornaments on the tree that the Girl Teenager and I made a few years ago. Babystar keeps taking them off the tree and putting them back on and taking them off. So sometimes there are twenty and sometimes there are zero.

We also made some ornaments this year out of card stock and stickers, and we bought some foam and wood ornament making kits at Target but have not made them yet. Scratch that. The OMG NOW HE IS 20yo and Babystar made one. One. But he’s gone on the airplane now, so luckily I’ve got a date tomorrow with my 3yo niece to help make some more ornaments before Santa gets here. I bought washable markers to replace the ones in the kits because I am smart. And I bought a cute zipper case with bunnies on it to replace the delicious looking semi-edible cardboard marker boxes because I like when Babystar makes the ‘sniff sniff’ bunny face. I also bought some art paper and sparkly ribbon to hang the card stock ornaments (not pictured) and everything was from either Target or Marshall’s (the bunny case) or Micheal’s and most of it was on sale. All of the ornament making craft supplies purchased this month are BECAUSE of Babystar so it’s all going on her tab. Total: $34.97. At least the markers and paper can help stock the Toddler Craft Closet that exists only in my mind right now.

I also ~~built~~ bought a snowman at Marshall’s because Babystar loves her ‘That’s Not My Snowman’ book and is mildly obsessed with snowmen (and mittens) these days. And the snowman has mittens. Dude. $7.99. She loves him btw. We took him to the theater last week.

Oh, right. We went to the theater. Actually, we went to a baby play were we sat on the floor but it was really good and held her attention for the entire thirty minutes. I was impressed. And surprised. Totally worth the $9 per ticket ($19.75 with fees). No, we didn’t have to buy a ticket for the snowman. And we have been to Busy Bees twice lately. But I finally got smart and bought the $36 gift card that covers three visits. Which saves $9 over the course of three visits. And we still have one visit left on the card. Yay!

RAISING BABYSTAR: $13,796.18

A Very Kacey Christmas.

Published on December 15, 2016December 18, 2016 by Darlene Dee1 Comment

Last weekend, my husband and I went on a date. By ourselves. It was awesome. You see that picture up there? Damn, we look so tired. We needed it.

I see lots of parents on social media going out without their babies so I think I have a PARTICULARLY clingy little monster because she can only be left for a little while and not very often and only with her sister so I’m thinking I have to ban the Teenager from going to college, right? Just kidding. I’ll just send Babystar to college with her sister.

Anyway. If you have ideas, please help. My MIL told me that my darling husband was the same way. She had to quit her job because he cried at daycare all day long and got kicked out. Like a BRAT. So I do not wonder where she gets this from but DUDE HAVE SOME CHILL.

We went to dinner and then to see the Kacey Musgraves Christmas show. It was lovely. Both the show and the moving about freely without a tiny shadow. I PEED BY MYSELF MORE THAN ONCE.

We pay the Teenager for babysitting even though we also pay for her food and shelter. And shampoo and stuff. Her babysitting time is in high demand. Plus, I was the oldest growing up and very much resented the forced babysitting gigs. (Anyone else?) Did you know the going rate for babysitting around here is $10/hour?! (It really is — I checked.) I’m thinking I should totally start babysitting.

We also bought them pizza. Yes, them. My oldest is in town! But I still only paid $10/hour + pizza. I let them work out the details. Problem solving is an important life skill.

According to several Snapchats I received, Babystra played for a bit and then slept on her sister all night. Until fifteen minutes before we got home, apparently. She greeted me at the door at 11pm crying for MAMAMAAMMA.

RAISING BABYSTAR: $13,671.78