Baby Proofing is a Lie.

The only way to completely baby proof our house would be to move to a Soft Play Room. Also, that sounds kind of amazing. Imagine: bean bags and giant foam blocks in lieu of furniture. Pizza and birthday cake every meal. A ball pit.

(Just checked. There aren’t any homes like that on Zillow.)

So we do the best we can and try to keep an eye on the baby.

I have awkwardly shaped stairs, so I brought home a few different (freaking expensive) baby gates to try from Babies R Us. None worked. I’m using this $14.99 Munchkin baby gate from Target and it works ok. For now. My almost 3-year-old niece was here recently and took the gate down in under ten seconds. But I’m hoping¬†Babystar will have fully mastered stairs by the time she is almost-three. (Though I don’t know how because I never let her practice.)


We also added outlet plugs to all the low-riding outlets. ($3.99 for a pack of 36.) I probably need to get some more.

I’ve locked up select drawers and cabinets with these oddly shaped ‘appliance locks’. Some cabinets are open for business. And some she just hasn’t found yet. ($3.99 for a pack of two. I bought two packs.)

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I also bought a furniture anchor for the dresser in her bedroom. She hasn’t tried to climb it yet but I’m sure she will soon. But I have not installed it yet because I am a very tired, very bad mother. ($4.99.)

I have piled throw pillows around the brick in front of the fireplace since she could move. I guess I will just leave them there. Forever.

We moved all our books from the lower two shelves of the bookcases and replaced them with her board books and other things she can’t break. Husband’s two NFL helmets. My yoga blocks. That wooden mannequin thing from Ikea that everyone has.

How do you baby proof?