Stop This Train.

Babystar visited the Emergency Room this week.

She was scared but very brave and very very sweet.

Babystar just wanted to make sure that I would hold her the whole time at the doctor’s office. I promised that I would. We first went to Urgent Care because Babystar had not peed in twenty-four hours. And she had a fever for about half of that time. AND I gave her a choice of peeing or going to the doctor and she told me that she didn’t want to pee. So into the car we went.

Ok, technically she had not peed in twenty-three and a half hours, but Urgent Care closes at seven and the co-pay difference is $300. And since we just moved here, Babystar does not yet have a pediatrician. That changes today, by the way.

(Anyone in Boulder have a pediatrician recommendation pretty please?)

The doctors and nurses at Foothills ER were all very very nice but they definitely underestimated the strength of my little ToddlerMonster. Since she had not peed, there was concern of a possible UTI or other infection. Which meant they needed a urine sample. She is not potty-trained, and she was straight up refusing to pee, so they needed to do a baby catheter.

I wanted to cry but I was a brave strong mama. (We were there alone due to family logistical reasons.) And Babystar was on my lap because I PROMISED. (Well actually she was between my legs but she knew she was on mama’s lap so that’s all that mattered.)

Do you know that if you take a young child to the ER they basically put them in a straight jacket? They hold baby’s arms by his or her side and wrap a sheet around baby’s entire torso. MY baby was screaming and fighting this whole situation, and they wanted ME to hold her arms inside this torture device. MY sweet baby wiggled her arms up and out, but not to rip off the sheet or push away the nurses. She just wanted to hold my hands.

Things were not going as smoothly at the other end of the gurney. The nurses cleaned and prepped her but holding her down for the catheter was not working at all. Babystar is strong like mom, y’all. She has a shirt that says so and everything. They had to go get another nurse to help hold down my little thirty pound kicking machine.

They tried.

It didn’t matter in the end.

She. Peed. Everywhere.

I have never been so happy to be soaked in baby pee. (She was on my lap, remember?)

And for those med students following along, since she was prepped, she was clean. A quick thinking nurse collected a sample for testing. Actually, I think they managed to get two vials and they probably could have gotten twenty. There was SO. MUCH. PEE.

She even peed on her head. I didn’t know that she peed on her head, so when the nurses left and I was cleaning her and changing her clothes and giving her a million kisses, I kissed her head. Right on the pee. It was gross. I didn’t care.

Hashtag momlife, right?

I got to wear awesome blue paper scrubs and pretend to be J.D.

We waited around for about thirty more minutes and Babystar was pronounced bacteria-free.

BOOM. $350.

We have been talking a lot about the potty the last couple of weeks. Babystar will be three in June, and she is showing all the textbooks signs that she is ready for the potty. She knows when she is peeing or pooping in her diaper (because she always tells me right before it happens so I can be ready to change her because “remember that time I had a rash and it hurt?”) She hasn’t had a wet diaper overnight in almost a year. She has the ability to hold it. Obviously. And she actually DID pee in the potty about two weeks ago. We made her a chart with stickers and did the pee pee dance and she got some chocolate candies and we did ALL THE THINGS.

But she hates it. She doesn’t want to use the potty and she tells us all the time. So I told her we would stop. And that while she was sick, she could have m&m’s every time she pees in her diaper. My sweet funny Babystar got so excited and said, “we don’t have to go on the potty train anymore?”

Did I just push her potty training back to age four? Probably.

Will she go to college in diapers? Maybe.

Am I the worst mom in the world? Nah.

RAISING BABYSTAR: $26,819.73

 

New Digs = New Haunts.

OMG YOU GUYS. I really miss Nook and Busy Bees and Scramble AND all of the awesome playgrounds in and around Arlington, Virginia. Hey NoVa parents, go out and play. Don’t take it for granted. Especially get yourselves and your kids to Watkins Regional Park and Clemyjontri and Potomac Yards.

Don’t get me wrong, I AM ABSOLUTELY SMITTEN with Colorado. But we are still figuring out the indoor play spaces. And on the few non-windy, above 60 degrees days, we go out looking for our favorite parks. We have found a few great playgrounds and a few, um, small interesting playgrounds. We are still looking for our most favorite park ever, but it’s more of a Spring Goal.

We HAVE found a few indoor play spaces that we like. WOW! Children’s Museum in Lafayette, Colorado is kind of the bomb diggity. We joined the first time we visited ($99). It has everything a toddler could want — a light piano, art room, tiny grocery store, pirate ship, dance studio, sand box, and so much more.

 

 

We also found a fun play space in Thornton, Colorado called Frolic. We’ve only been once ($9.86) because it’s kind of far away, but it was adorable and great for an afternoon of fun. It was NOT as good as Nook or Scramble or even Busy Bees but really, what is? (ARLINGTON YOU LUCKY BASTARDS!!) Frolic has a great CedarWorks play structure and smaller dollhouse, a train table, mini grocery store, orange ball pit, and a few other ride-on and bounce-on toys that kept Babystar’s attention for over two hours. I do wish it had better seats for the grown-ups. The picnic tables in the corner are great for Toddler Snack Time but not so great for mama’s lumbar support.

 

 

We are looking for more, more, always more, but so far everything I have found is open for like three hours from nine to noon only two days a week and I just can’t get out of the house that early. Maybe someday. I believe in us.

RAISING BABYSTAR: $26,397.74

 

Spoiling Babystar.

There is a long history of movie titles using the formula VERBing GIRLNAME.

Driving Miss Daisy. Chasing Amy. Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Killing Zoe. Raising Helen. Stealing Beauty. Kissing Jessica Stein. Finding Dory.

I’m hoping if I use a fancy Hollywood name for this blog post, no one will notice that I have gone FULL BRIBE with the toddler.

Moving is hard, y’all. We have only been Colorado residents for three weeks. We still have boxes yet to be unpacked. We still haven’t found the plastic sink that goes in her play kitchen. And Babystar is pretty chill with everything that is happening around her.

She plays with the toys that she has, and gets excited whenever we unbox new toys.

But we also needed to stock the house with groceries and toilet paper and coffee and wine (!!!) and some more towels and hand soap and lamps and just house things.

If you look at the huge number by the dollar sign at the bottom of my posts, you will likely discern that I am a total sucker for buying toys for Babystar. But now we have turned them into ‘Listening and Patience Presents.’ I let her choose something fun during each long errand (usually Troll-related, but it does vary) and then I use the method taught to me by my dear friend and supermama Mary Catherine. The Patience Present is hers to lose. As long as Babystar listens and is patient during the outings, mama will buy the toy she has chosen. If she does not listen or she runs away from me (which used to be a problem back in Arlington ALL THE TIME), then we have to wait until our next errand trip to buy the toy.

So far, it works. I definitely think that letting her pick her toy/whatever and hold it while we do the rest of the shopping helps immensely. A total physical reminder IN HER HAND to listen to mama.

Dude, if you told me you could make my toddler behave in the shops for five bucks, I would totally do it. Trolls are about five bucks, and those are her favorite presents right now. I am ALL IN.

So, anyway, behold the baby’s recent bribes.

trolls

Trolls, purchased separately. $4.99 each.

felt mail

Felt mail, for playing along with Blue’s Clues. $3 at Target.

rocks from ned

A box of rocks. $12. Yep. From our adventure in the adorable mountain town of Nederland. The locals call it ‘Ned.’ And I’m a local now. So the rocks are from Ned.

She also chose a ‘Cloud Guy’ pillow ($7.99) for her Patience Present from Ikea* and she sleeps on him every night. Hopefully Cloud Guy AND Babystar will soon move into her Big Girl Bed (Coming Soon).

RAISING BABYSTAR: $26,092.57

*I firmly believe that EVERYONE that doesn’t have a breakdown in Ikea deserves a Patience Present.

We Interrupt This Blog…

To bring you the OLYMPICS!!

Just kidding. I haven’t seen a single minute of the Olympics.

But seriously though, I finally get the television hooked up again and everything is on hiatus for the next few weeks.

Which is kind of fine because I am STILL not finished unpacking.

boxes

And I’m also working on setting up Hulafrog Boulder (yay!) and I’ll be the Managing Editor which is super cool so please tell all of your Colorado friends to subscribe. (It’s free!)

I’ll be back soon. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe not.

Wild, Wild West Part Two.

The Colorado Saga continues as our three heroines drive west out of Kansas City in search of dinner. Have you ever driven west on I-70 in Kansas? Almost immediately, we were forced onto a toll road with only one gas option and one food option. We accepted our fate, filled up the gas tank, and ordered our Chicken McNuggets.

(P.S. WHAT are the toys that McDonald’s is handing out in their $2.99 Happy Meals these days? Some kind of anthromorphic line of furniture? I don’t get it. But ok. Babystar’s washing machine probably WILL have opinions in the future so she may as well pretend all about it now.)

I digress.

I broke our family’s cardinal rule about ‘no screens at dinner’ because 1) road trip and 2) fast food. Princess Buttercup aka Navigator Extroidonaire pulled out her phone to check our route ahead and figure ouT where we would sleep. We watched the sun set from our sweet window seat at McDonald’s and calculated the distance to Topeka.

Kansas is wide af, y’all, so we knew we wouldn’t get to Colorado that night.

Princess Buttercup is ambitious, though, so she checked the distance to Denver just for fun. Eight hours. We would arrive at 12:35am if we drove to Denver. And that’s AFTER the time change when we cross into the Mountain Time Zone.

Nope. Nopenopenopenopenope.

Except YEP. Because we also discovered that there was a huge winter storm warning for Colorado and parts of Kansas starting at 1am that night. Snow AND ICE was predicted after midnight and throughout the following day. We had two choices: stop in Kansas and get snowed in for two days or race the storm to Denver.

We are idiots. We raced the storm to Denver.

The sun had set by the time we got back on the road. Has anyone driven through Kanasas? What does it look like? I genuinely want to know. As far as I can tell, the state is pitch black and full of UFOs. An hour or so into Kansas, we noticed bands of red lights blinking in unison. They would disappear and reappear, always blinking the same alien codes.

I’m pretty sure NOW that they were wind turbines. But we were pretty sure THEN that earth had been invaded.

Also, it was before midnight on a Saturday night and there were like five other cars on the road. I was under the impression that I-70 was a major highway but I felt like I was driving through an episode of True Detective: X Files. There were gas stations about every twenty to thirty miles but when my needle dropped under a quarter tank, I started to worry. We drove through a long stretch of road seeing nothing but aliens, so when I finally saw an exit with a sign that promised gas, we stopped. We drove almost a mile down a dark road before finding the gas station.

Y’all. OMFG.

We pulled up to one of the four pumps. There was a guy in an older pick up truck pumping gas already, so we obviously waited for him to drive away before even unlocking the van. When I did get out to pump gas, I left the keys in the van with Princess Buttercup and Babystar and gave strict orders that they should lock the doors while I pumped the gas and went inside the gas station to pee. If I was abducted by the aliens, Princess Buttercup was to hop in the driver’s seat and speed away without looking back.

When I got outside of the van, I noticed that the gas station was actually closed. Great. We were alone with the aliens. And there was nowhere to pee. Also, they only sold two kinds of gas — diesel and not diesel. There were no pesky octane levels or anything from which to choose. I hurried to fill the tank and then got back on the interstate as quickly as possible.

Two miles later we stopped at the most glorious, brilliantly lit gas station and convenience store combo in all of Kansas. We got caffeine and chatted with the lovely WOMEN that were working there and finally peed and got back on the road to Denver.

Fun fact: the border town between Kansas and Colorado on I-70 is called Kanorado.

We crossed into Colorado eventually, and somehow drove 180 MORE miles through the worst fog ever to our hotel near the Denver airport. By midnight, we really were the only vehicle on the road. Well, it was us and the trucks salting the highway. Everyone else had enough sense not to drive in ZERO VISIBILITY conditions. But we did finally make it to our hotel that night. We had booked two nights at the Embassy Suites because we wanted the extra space and we wanted an on-site restaurant since we knew we would be stuck for a little while.

The hotel had given away our room.

Y’all. I straight up cried right at that poor night clerk. I didn’t yell at him. I just started crying at him like a soap opera diva. When I finally pulled it together, I learned that they had held a room for us at the hotel across the street. We packed our things back into the van and drove across the parking lot. The snow started about fifteen minutes after we finally checked into our room for the night.

Everything turned out all right in the end. We ended up in a two-bedroom suite for two nights, paid for by the Embassy Suites that bumped us. (Thanks again, jerks! Actually, they weren’t really jerks they were just oversold like every hotel. And they paid for our stay across the street so that was cool. They would not bring me wine though. I asked.)

And then on Sunday morning, after having slept only about four hours, I got a miracle phone call that our furniture was going to be delivered the following day around noon. PERFECT.

The Alien Fog drive though hell was worth it.

This was almost two weeks ago and we are still unpacking.

We also just got internet. Like, five minutes ago. And we still don’t have television, though I’m sure we could probably stream something if we had time to sit down.

I still have no decent pictures. Please enjoy this picture of the inside of our moving truck.

moving truck2

RAISING BABYSTAR: $26,054.61