blogger – BabyCostsMoney

Monday’s Mama is Funny AF.

Published on September 25, 2017September 24, 2017 by Darlene Dee8 Comments

Introducing the funniest blogger that you aren’t reading.

(Or maybe you are. I don’t know your life.)

According to Becca, she is a mom of two, wife of one, Bachelor franchise lover, Patriots fan, higher ed professional, adequate friend, extreme athlete (no), and descendant of Dutch royalty (maybe, prove she’s not). She thinks life is really funny and likes to stop and write about it at withloveandalittleselfdeprecation.com.

And she is FREAKING HILARIOUS. I am a little bit mad that we aren’t best friends. I want to hang out with her all the time and drink wine and chase bats (the animal kind not the baseball kind) and go adult sledding. Instead, I follow her blog and all of her social media and you should too! She is on Twitter and Facebook and the regular awesome internet.

Becca answered a few of my questions and now I love her more.

1. What is YOUR favorite kid’s show that your kid watches? Wait, do you let your kids watch tv? If yes, what is your favorite show? If no, stop lying.

We let the kids watch a half hour of tv a day because apparently my husband and I both hate silence and sitting… I’m sure this rule is going to do the ole “bend and snap” at some point. But for now I can pretend to be all sanctimommy and come up with some baloney about “screen time” and “exploratory play” when in all reality the 1 year old is only actually interested in the tv for 45 seconds and the 2 year old is perfectly satisfied with two morning Daniel Tiger life lessons before heading to daycare. So to answer your question, Daniel Tiger. Curious George is fine too, but Daniel never tries to scale a building which is better role modeling for my toddlers. Also, Daniel’s parents are the most patient mammals on the whole dang earth… Just once I want to see Mrs. Tiger lose it a little and need a glass of Pinot.

2. What are Sundays like in the fall at your house? Like, game on in the background or at the stadium with painted faces or somewhere in between?

Game day? Drama, drama, drama. I’m a Patriots fan born and raised. My husband is die hard Broncos. We keep Etsy retailers in business by regularly paying people to make us split Bronco and Patriots gear for our kids. That’s what they wear on Sundays when we are both upstairs getting the kids dressed. If it is just one of us, well then you know darn well those kids are coming downstairs in head to toe Orange or Blue and Red. My husband already has won over our 2 year old to team Denver, so I’m putting in some overtime with the 1 year old. When they get older we will get back to going to games but for now, quite honestly we are just hoping that we can get them down to their naps before the end of the first quarter.

3. It’s the PTA Bakesale: homemade, store bought, or NOPE?

In my head right now? Homemade because I make killer chocolate chip cookies. In reality? In 3 years when my kids are in school I’ll probably be sending in a loaf of store bought bread, a box of mac and cheese, and a pack of plastic forks because I’ll forget if this was supposed to be a bake sale, a food drive, or a birthday party and I’ll want to cover my bases.

21122300_10102399328513237_7177294261140795790_o

I am still mad at every Pats fan everywhere for the defeat of the Jags in the 2007 season playoff game that was 14-14 at halftime and we now know that Belichick totally cheats at halftime so he probably used a time machine or something but I make an exception for this woman because she is so totally awesome. Ok, fine, I don’t actually harbor ill will for New England fans but I do care enough to bring that game up with everyone in a Patriots jersey that I see after having three glasses of wine. I mostly drink wine at home on Friday nights now so the circles in that Venn diagram have almost completely split apart.

Go follow Becca (virtually, not around her neighborhood). You’ll thank me later. Or now. You can thank me now.

#NahDoNoMo

Published on November 18, 2016December 12, 2016 by Darlene DeeLeave a comment

Mommy’s all right. Daddy’s all right. They just seem a little weird.

A little? Ok, sure. Whatever. The point is, I SURRENDER.

It is now November 18. We are officially deep into the second half of the month. My big plans for A Blog Post A Day did not work out. No #NaBloPoMo success for me. But that’s ok. The big winner is YOU. Because it turns out, I don’t always have anything interesting to say. Like right now, for example.

My new November hashtag is #NahDoNoMo. Nah, I’m not going to Do it No More.

RAISING BABYSTAR: $13,266.46

Keep Them Safe.

Published on November 10, 2016December 12, 2016 by Darlene Dee7 Comments

How safe is the Internet? Probably not very, right?

I’ve read a lot of articles recently from moms (and dads) who have made the decision to keep their kid’s photos offline. I fully support that. I clearly don’t DO it, but I totally support it.

I wonder where my line is, though. I would never post any naked baby pictures, of course. I don’t post Babystar’s real name. I rarely post about the older kids because I feel like I need their approval first and that’s usually such a damn hassle. Plus, I’m not adding up their expenses. (If I did, I would expect a LOT more in the way of household chores. I’m talking BREAKFAST IN BED. Kids are expensive.)

So maybe, my line is when she can tell me if it’s ok. Or perhaps when she has a life outside of my life. I’m not sure.

Also, I will not tell embarrassing things about my kids online. But I can’t think of anything that would be embarrassing to a BABY. Literally, nothing. Babystar could eat dog food with her finger up her nose and then open her diaper and smear poop everywhere and I still don’t think that would be embarrassing because she is a BABY. It would be fucking horrible but not embarrassing.

In fact, my mother tells me that I did indeed pull open my diaper in my crib once and when she came to get me after my nap, I was smeared in poop. This was before video monitors. And maybe even before old fashioned sound-only baby monitors. I don’t remember this, because I was a BABY, but as a baby, I’m sure I ate poop. Still, I am zero embarrassed about that time I ate poop, BECAUSE I WAS A BABY.

But if Babystar wets her pants at kindergarten, I won’t tell the world. I mean, unless she asks me to.

Babystar wants me to stop typing now.

What is your line, fellow Mommy Bloggers? Or Facebookers with Children? Or just Parents with Internet?

RAISING BABYSTAR: $13,235.18

Halloween Hangover.

Published on November 1, 2016December 12, 2016 by Darlene Dee7 Comments

November 1 is National Eat Your Child’s Candy Day and I can’t even play this year. Babystar started puking yesterday afternoon and didn’t stop until after midnight, like some sort of freshman sorority girl. No Trick-or-Treating for us.

So I guess her SEVENTH costume was the girl from The Exorcist. Man, she really committed.

My sweet Teenager brought Halloween inside to the sick ToddlerMonster by surrounding us with a glow stick, a couple of plastic pumpkins, and her Halloween balloon. And some chocolate but I ate it so fast I barely remember its existence. Babystar woke up once, looked around, and said ‘kitty.’ I put her new kitty jacket over her pajamas, put my kitty onesie on over my ~~uniform~~ yoga pants, and we went outside. She liked looking at the decorations and the trick-or-treaters (from a safe ten foot germ-free distance). After about fifteen minutes, she puked again. And back inside we went.

We spent this morning at the doctor’s office. I actually already had an appointment because I am psychic except not really. The Teenager needed a physical for school and Babystar was meant to get her second installment of the Baby Flu Shot. I talked to the doctor during the Teenagers appointment and she told me to hold off on the flu shot and I didn’t need to worry since the baby was finally keeping fluids down and peeing. PLUS the nurse had already taken Babystar’s temperature in preparation for her shot so we knew that she didn’t have a fever.

They only charged me for the Teenager’s visit so I basically committed medical fraud.

AND I didn’t even remember to get my standard butterscotch flavored dumdum lollipop. Damn. The Universe does NOT want me to have candy today.

RAISING BABYSTAR: $12,974.80

Oh, hey, I’m gonna try to do this NaBloPoMo thing this year. One blog post per day in November. I don’t spend money every day so this should be interesting. Or incredibly boring. There is only one way to find out.

Is anyone else out there doing NaBloPoMo this year?