Clean Mama: the Greatest Gift of All!

Yesterday was Mother’s Day. I had a wonderful day which included an uninterrupted shower. I’m not saying that was my favorite part, but it might have been my favorite part.

(Ok, just kidding. I get to take uninterrupted showers at least once a week per my sentencing guidelines. Um, I mean, because my two older children are wonderful creatures that will distract Miss Babystar for twenty minutes so that I can wash my hair.)

While in the shower, I realized that I never added the Arbonne ABC Baby Soap to this list.

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DON’T WORRY I’M NOT GOING TO TRY TO SELL YOU ANYTHING.

I know, I know, some people freak out and run screaming (or scrolling since we are all online here) when mamas say ‘Arbonne’ or ‘Lularoe’ or ‘DoTerra’ or ‘Shakeology’ or so many other trigger words. Those poor hustling mamas are just trying to do their thing. Even if their thing is sometimes annoying. You know what else is annoying? The fact that Target emails me every single day about SOMETHING and their Cartwheel app is stupid and difficult to use. But I still love Target and I still love my #momboss friends.

Ahem. Fun(ny) fact: I accidentally became an Arbonne consultant.

Yep. I ordered shampoo and conditioner and body wash and hand lotion and mascara (PS the Arbonne mascara is crap) from a friend at a party and then offered to HOST a party for her. Then, at MY party, my teenager wanted to try the entire freaking skin care line so I ordered a bunch more stuff for her. And me. And I ordered the baby soap for Babystar. In the weird pyramid scheme math, if I paid twenty bucks or something, I could get a save even more money and get a free thing AND get 35% off of my purchased for a whole year so DUH. Of course I did it. I did not realize what was going down* until our products arrived along with a box of ten catalogs and some cool samples (yay!) and a Welcome New Consultant folder. Whoops.

*I am sure my friend explained it to me but it was the end of the night and I had several glasses of prosecco.

I don’t even know how much it cost because I paid money for a discount (does that even make sense?) and I had to spend a minimum amount to get some ‘free’ stuff so I’m just going with the basic retail price which is $21.

Babystar still prefers to EAT the Honest Creamsicle** Soap. But she likes the Arbonne ABC soap because it barely lathers. Babystar hates bubbles. Well, she LOVES bubbles outside with a bubble wand that she drips all over and gets herself all sticky so that she needs a bath. She DESPISES any bubbles in said bath. She gets all mad at them and tries to pop them all saying, ‘no bubbles, no bubbles, no bubbles.’ Like she’s on some Baby Bathtime version of Press Your Luck.

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**It’s actually called Orange-Vanilla-Something but it’s basically a Creamsicle.

RAISING BABYSTAR: $16,923.99

Babies Having Babies.

So apparently little Babystar tried to shoplift a Bitty Baby from the American Girl store at the Grove while we were in LA last month. Ok, I wasn’t there, but the Teenager says she picked up the box that was almost as big as her and was like, see ya.

Don’t worry. The taller, more law-abiding family members present intervened.

I wasn’t there THAT day (because I was at a taping of The Price is Right with my over-18 and therefore eligible son but no we did not win anything not even a new living room set or his and hers golf clubs but you can watch for me in the audience on October 25) but I WAS there a couple of days ago at Target when she spotted the baby dolls.

We take the toddlermonster to Target sometimes on rainy days to run out her wiggles. Sorry, Target. She sometimes rearranges your displays. I really do my best to fix them. Mostly. Anyway. We went there for a single pack of college ruled notebook paper for the Teenager and for some indoor sprintingfor Babystar. I somehow spent $100. Damn you, Target, you sorceress!

And now the Baby has a baby. And the Baby’s baby has a stroller. $12.99 and $9.99 respectively. (For comparison, Bitty Baby is $60 and her super fancy tiny jogging stroller is $58. Jeez, Mattel.) So I basically SAVED almost $100 because that is how shopping math works, right?

Babystar loooooves her baby. It is the cutest thing ever. I have had to be resuscitated at least five times now because I FREAKING DIE when she cuddles that baby. But then she eats the baby’s feet and throws the baby on the floor and the universe makes sense again.

Fun fact: I had to draw a belly button on the baby doll with a Sharpie because Babystar is obsessed with belly buttons and this baby didn’t have one. I bet Bitty Baby has one. Ugh.*

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I also bough a pack of Target brand diapers (highly recommend) for $6.49.

And the baby found a fort.

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RAISING BABYSTAR: $12,170.57

*I have nothing against Bitty Baby. Just kidding, I DO. $58 for the stroller?! $75 for a cradle?! The dresses are more than I spend on my ACTUAL BABY. I went down the American Girl path with the Teenager and I will.not.do.it.again. Ok, so I am HIGHLY PREJUDICED against Bitty Baby. Sorry, little plastic baby. NOT SORRY, Mattel.

Because I am Lazy.

We bought a second car seat.

It took us over a month to install the first one in the minivan. There is no way on this earth that I was going to move it to the Husband’s car when we decided to take the more comfy ride instead. No. Freaking. Way.

I’m sure it’s super simple. I’m just gonna Basic White Girl this one and say I just literally can’t even. Nopenopenope.

I also decided not to freak out this time and just picked one. Guess what? It’s less expensive and I think it might even be cooler. (I have not yet gotten Babystar’s vote.)  We purchased the Graco Extend2Fit so Babystar can have more leg room as she grows. If she grows. Little shortie. And it does that cool ‘zip-off-for-washing’ that I was soooo excited about with the one I bought a few months ago after researching for YEARS.

So far Babystar loves playing with it. In the box. Where it currently sits. Right inside the front door.

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Serious question: why are some colors of car seats like $50-$100 more than others? For real? (I bought the car seat in ‘Gotham’ because it was $199 and all other colors everywhere were at least $249. Plus I had a Buy Buy Baby online 20% off coupon and they were offering free shipping. I didn’t even have to leave the house. The total with tax was $169.59.)

Little Brother is coming over tomorrow for a Game Night. I’m gonna surprise him with a cool new game called Please Help Me Install Yet Another Car Seat. He loves this game.

RAISING BABYSTAR: $11,319.26

 

 

The $5,718.37 Question.

Babystar is seven months old today.

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SEVEN. MONTHS. OLD.

How did this happen?

Also? How have we spent $5,718.37 on this thing that has only been a thing for seven months?!?

Math is hard but if I divide that by seven months and then by thirty days (I know the rhyme but it’s easier this way), then we are spending over $27 per DAY on this baby!! Sally Struthers once told me that I can care for a child for just the price of a cup of coffee per day. Even Starbucks doesn’t cost $27.

I know much of that was the hospital bill. And a bunch was for diapers. Also I went a bit mad with baby clothes shopping  the last couple of months. But wow that is a lot of money. Especially considering that so much stuff was given to us as gifts or hand me downs. And double especially considering that she has already grown out of a lot of those clothes I purchased last November. I should have just bought three pairs of pajamas and washed them every day. Lesson learned.

When I first started keeping track of our baby expenses, I just wanted to know where all the money went. (I still can’t really say I KNOW, but I should know. I really should.) Watching the bottom line grow has been enlightening. I will definitely make some changes for 2016. (A bit late for a New Year’s Resolution but there it is.)

RAISING BABYSTAR:  $5,718.37

Shopping Spree.

Have you ever been to Potomac Mills?  It’s a shopping destination in Northern Virginia.  Every chain of every store ever ever is there.  I’m pretty sure.  Based on personal research.

Plus they have Ikea.  Boom.

I went to Ikea today for a few things (ha  haha  hahahaha).  This large play mat and wooden toy-hangy-thingy were actually on my list.  $54.98 total.

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We also did some Christmas shopping at the outlet mall (I really might get finished before December which is AMAZING) and I bought tons of clothes for Babystar.  Husband and I have not really shopped for her so it was very fun.  Plus just LOOK at these adorable clothes.  We spent $45.96 at H&M Baby.  That Rolling Stone sweatshirt is going to kill me with its cuteness.

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And $163.71 at Carter’s.  Those monsters though.

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RAISING BABYSTAR:  $4,928.47

Carter’s at Costco.

I purchased three outfit sets from Costco today for $8.99 each.  They are adorable and one says ‘Bananas Over Mommy’ and they are in the washer.  So no picture.  I found this picture online of two of the sets.  Plus imagine one more with monkeys.  $26.97.

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I also purchased a box of Kirkland Baby Wipes.  900 wipes for $19.99.  I hope they do not suck.

RAISING BABYSTAR:  $4,654.33

Scary Mummy.

Babystar picked out her own toy today!  I swear.  I showed her how some of the toys in Target worked and she seemed disinterested until we played with these colorful chimes. She reached for them and even turned around to try to reach them. $14.99.

Also in the cart was an activity gym (on sale for $39.99) similar to one she was handed down. This one, however, is not broken and comes with all the toys. I will keep the mat from the other so I can trade them out when one needs washing. Which is always.

And the piece de resistance, a sweet pajama costume for Baby to wear for Pumpkin Patch Pictures* this year! Here were the choices? Which one do you think I bought?** ($9.99)

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*It is a law in Northern Virginia that parents of children under five must take Pumpkin Patch Pictures. Do they have this law where you live?

**Yes, I realize there is a spoiler in the post title. So this quiz should be easy.

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RAISING BABYSTAR:  $4,553.38