Mama Said – BabyCostsMoney

Crossroads.

Published on July 20, 2018July 20, 2018 by Darlene Dee6 Comments

I think I get why most parenting bloggers close up shop after only a couple of years.

A baby is a baby is a baby. I mean, every baby is special of course. Especially YOUR baby. But if all goes according to plan, life centers around food and smiles and poop and laughs and sleep and frustration and milestones and learning.

There are about a billion different ways to feed and clothe and teach and react, but they are also all kind of the same as long as they are all done with love.

A baby is generic.

A child is an individual.

I have drafts of posts waiting to be published, but I cannot do it. Now that we are experiencing the Many Splendors of Three, things are different.

Things are different, and they are also still the same. Every parent deals with some kind of bath time struggles and strange toddler fears and hilarious stories and potty training issues. But now, I can imagine a young adult who may not want her Tales of Toddlerhood online.

I wouldn’t. I mean, I might right NOW. Now that I am forty, I think the story of my mother waking up to a baby me playing with the contents of my diaper (I know, GROSS) is kind of funny. I sure don’t remember it, but she has told me about that morning several times, so I sure can’t forget. But it’s just a story that my mom likes to tell. What if it was available for anyone to read? Like, when I was in ninth grade? What if there were PICTURES?

(I would never post poop pictures or potty pictures or naked bath pictures but that is MY line and I don’t know what Babystar’s future retroactive line will be.)

Three is interesting, hilarious, fun, and maybe quite personal. I am happy to tell family and friends the reason we needed to purchase Jojo the Fox but I’m not sure I want to publish it.

I’m not sure that Babystar wants me to publish it. And I can’t really ask her yet.

XOXO

How to have a tantrum-free shopping trip for the price of a cup of coffee.

Published on July 5, 2018July 6, 2018 by Darlene Dee6 Comments

Sometimes I need a five dollar coffee drink to get through the day.

Sometimes I need a fifty dollar pedicure to get through the week.

And sometimes I need a ten thousand dollar Mediterranean Cruise if I am going to resist the urge to flee alone to the mountains and live off the land. Alone. By myself.

(I never do get that last one.)

Toddlers are people, too.

You know how summer days seemed so loooong when you were a kid but now they zoom by before you can get everything done? Even if ‘everything’ is just pack a bag and go to the park and come home and make a relatively healthy dinner?

Time is funny like that.

I imagine that a forty-five minute trip to Target must feel to a toddler like waiting at the DMV for an entire afternoon feels to me. Like hellacious hell.

Enter the Patient Prize.

I have mentioned the Patient Prize before. I didn’t invent the concept but I have WHOLLY embraced it. I have been looking to rebrand Bribery for quite some time now.

Whenever I bring Babystar into a potential meltdown situation — usually a trip to Target but not always — she is allowed one Patient Prize. (Babystar named it her Patient Prize, which is more accurate than Patient Present tbh because really we are all winners.)

How to Patient Prize:

Let the Toddlermonster pick the Patient Prize first. At Target, I suggest you stop in the Dollar Aisles conveniently located near the entrance. This will save you money by avoiding the toy aisles while still preserving the illusion of choice.*
Let the Toddlermonster HOLD the toy/hat/apple/whatever in the shopping cart. It then becomes a tangible reminder of the toddlermonster’s choice EVERY SINGLE SECOND whether he or she wants to keep the Patient Prize or act a fool.
When the Toddlermonster inevitably wants to get out of the cart to run away, or screams because he or she is bored and wants to leave RIGHT NOW, you look them in the eyes and say, ‘Ok. But first we have to go put back the Patient Prize.’
Usually, the Toddlermonster will chill. Not always, but most of the time. If the Toddlermonster does not chill, you have to put the Patient Prize back and deal with the outcome. You may decide to leave the establishment. You may decide to rush through the checkout line with what you already have. And you may decide to finish shopping while holding a loud floppy Toddlermonster (peace be with you). You do you.

AND YOU GUYS THERE IS AN UNINTENTIONAL BENEFIT! Since Babystar knows she gets to choose ONE thing, she doesn’t ask for EVERY thing. I hope it works out that way for you, too!

Stickers .30, $1, $1
Bouncy ball $2.99, $2.88, $2.99
Troll bandaids $1, $1
Light up bunny thingy $1
Trolls $4.99, $4.99, $4.99, $0.89, $0.89, $2.99, $2.99, $14.99, $4.99, $2.99, $2.99
Plastic dinosaur with googly pop-out eyes $1
Felt ice cream cones $3
Weird juice box lady $2.99
Bubbles $1, $1
Gardening toys $3
Wooden birdhouse to paint $3 (plus one for Princess Buttercup too $3)
Coloring books $1, $1, $1

RAISING BABYSTAR: $28,868.20

*Unfortunately, Babystar knows that the Trolls are in the toy aisles, so she often insists we go there. Fine. Whatever. I have since made a new rule that she cannot get duplicate Trolls and she has them all so we always ‘just go check’ if there are new ones. Her dad doesn’t have the same deal so she still brings home Trolls quite often.

Three is a magic number.

Published on June 20, 2018June 25, 2018 by Darlene Dee4 Comments

Does anyone remember that compilation from The Nineties that was a bunch of random bands reworking songs from Schoolhouse Rock? Evan Dando sang about the number zero and Skee-Lo and Mr. Morton schooled us all on verbs. I listened to that thing on repeat for a few years, as the older kids were tiny peanuts and cars had CD players and Spotify didn’t exist and parents were still in charge of the music in the car. Remember that?

I TOTALLY remember my mom and dad forcing me to listen to R.E.M. and Aerosmith and Led Zeppelin and The Rolling Stones when all I wanted to listen to was Tiffany and Debbie Gibson and Cyndi Lauper and GAWD MOM WHY ARE YOUR RUINING MY LIFE.

Obviously I now love The Rolling Stones and R.E.M. and would pay actual real live dollars to avoid listening to Tiffany and Debbie Gibson. I still have much love for Cyndi, though, and so does Babystar though she prefers when Justin Timberlake AKA Branch sings True Colors because it makes all the Trolls happy again as well it should because it is an amazing song and what are we talking about?

Oh. Right. Schoolhouse Rock. That album was/IS the bomb diggity.

I found it! This one!! (If you click on it you can find out all the other artists but it’s also an affiliate link so choose your own choice and live your own truth. ❤ )

The song that is stuck in my head this week is Three is a Magic Number — the Blind Melon version. Babystar turns three today, and I think it really might be magic.

(You guys I think the elusive potty training switch has been flipped but I don’t want to jinx it but OMG YAAYAYYYAYAYAYYYYY!!!)

And sometimes she plays by herself and shares her things and she legit just offered me a fruit snack out of the blue to be kind and if you knew how much this child loves fruit snacks you would know that she is becoming VERY mature.* Three really is a magic number, y’all.

Also, I have just the BEST birthday party theme this year. Babystar is all in AND it is the easiest thing in the world. I’ll take lots of pictures today and share how to recreate this incredibly genius total cop-out tomorrow.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABYSTAR!!

These pictures were from the Festival of Fae last weekend which was free but the wings were $5 and the fairie quest (that she abandoned two minutes in to go race unicorns instead — a decision I fully supported) was another $5. Also we got ice cream and hers was $4.

RAISING BABYSTAR: $28,479.40

*Ok, so the fruit snack was in the shape of a carrot and she has recently declared a War on Carrots even though it tasted like an orange gummy bear but whatever. SHARING.

She calls them dandy-blows.

Published on June 14, 2018June 10, 2018 by Darlene Dee9 Comments

Toddler malapropisms are just the best, right?

Please share your favorites with the class in the comments.

Babystar says actually instead of accidentally. So we hear a lot of ‘I actually dropped my crayon!’ and ‘I actually bumped my leg!’ Like she simply cannot believe what is happening. It is adorable and hilarious.

She has also learned the phrase ‘pretty sure’ but she uses it to mean ‘absolutely sure’. As in, ‘I’m sure I will share my sand toys with the other children. I’m pretty sure.’

(But she is actually speaking the truth because no one can ever be sure AT ALL that Babystar will share her sand toys.)

Babystar calls dandelions dandy-blows once they have turned to seed.

Tbh her word makes much more sense and I’d like to petition to have the name officially changed. Who is in charge of naming flowers please?

This H&M dress was $7.99. This picture is priceless.

RAISING BABYSTAR: $28,437.29

Castle Babystar.

Published on April 10, 2018April 9, 2018 by Darlene Dee4 Comments

I have a very serious question.

HOW DID THE TINIEST PERSON IN THE FAMILY TAKE OVER THIS WHOLE HOUSE???

Ok, for example, look at this dining room. There is a tiny dining table in the tiny corner and the rest of the room is a rocking horse and ride on horse and a bunch of blank space because Babystar likes to RUN.

Please also notice the living room. This ENTIRE AREA is dedicated to a teepee fort for Babystar. And the window seat holds her adorable toddler books. Including the new box of Baby Lit board books that I bought her from Costco ($15.99) thirty percent because I thought she would like them and seventy percent because if Babystar is going to take over the house, then her things should at least be cute. (All I read are children’s books. HOW ON EARTH do other parents read books?!? Genuinely asking. I keep a book in the bathroom and I read one chapter per bath so I will likely finish it by my birthday. In September.) Oh! That adorable tiny wooden bookshelf is from Ikea ($24.99) and it’s perfect for toddler sized books.

That window seat is actually pretty cool. It holds books and a couple of Melissa & Doug puzzles. One puzzle set is the really cool one she played with last fall with her cousins. I finally found it (on CLEARANCE at Target for $8.98) and Babystar LOVES it. I think it is the perfect started puzzle for kids, because you just match the shapes to create a picture. You don’t actually have to fit one particular piece into one particular place. Genius. The other puzzle was given to us by our only Colorado friend (so far). Babystar gets to drive the vehicles around the puzzle path to match them to their homes. I mean it: Melissa and Doug are both GENIUSES.

Over here we have the toy box corner. That toy box ($42) is FULL and it’s not even her only toy box. It’s her living room toy box. I don’t have room in this giant fucking farmhouse for a desk which I really need but we have a DOWNSTAIRS TOY BOX.

And do you even see this freaking train table?!? It is taking up some prime real estate in the living room just so Babystar can have a place to play dinosaurs with her rocks. Oh, and she plays trains sometimes too. Sometimes the Trolls ride the trains. Ok, it really does make her happy. And it was FREE thanks to an awesome mama on an awesome Boulder mama Facebook page.

We shoved the couches and lamps and end tables into the other corner over there and you better believe she STILL LEAVES HER TOYS ALL OVER THE COUCHES. Dude. What.

Also one of those ottomans is full of papers that really belong in a desk. Help. Me.

RAISING BABYSTAR: $26,955.75