Darlene Dee

I’m never paying retail again.

Published on June 8, 2018 by Darlene Dee6 Comments

Just kidding! We all know that I can’t stop won’t stop with the Target runs. And if I’m not ordering random things on Amazon at 2am, AM I EVEN LIVING?

But still. If I had a Time Machine right now this minute, I would hop back to my pregnancy, get out of bed early, and get myself to a consignment sale. WHY did I pay retail for so many things?!?

I’m certain there were consignment sales in Virginia. There must have been, right? I vaguely remember some Facebook posts about consignment sales, but they always seemed to happen at seven o clock in the morning.

7am people are not my people. My bad. 7am EASTERN STANDARD TIME people are not my people. Something about the Colorado sun (or the lack of black-out curtains or the lure of a quiet early morning farmhouse) has me waking up at six these days.

I cherish the ability to wash my face before my family starts asking me hard questions like do we have any pears. My coffee tastes better when I drink it before anyone else wakes up. I adore the sound of birds chirping in the morning sun.

I do NOT love the sound of the stupid robin that attacks his reflection in my bathroom window from sunrise to noon every single damn day. Has anyone effectively deterred a dumb bird?? Please advise.

Wait. What was I talking about?

Consignment sales. I love them. Colorado seems to love them. But there are Consignment Sale Rules to consider. Behold.

Consignment sale number one: the Just Between Friends Sale in Longmont, Colorado. This was a four-day sale and I went at noon on the third day. Like a freaking rookie. I bought a Radio Flyer wagon, a bunch of Fisher Price toys, an adorable unicorn sweatshirt (with a horn on the hood!!), a pair of leggings, and a Gymboree shirt. $110. Remember when I thought that was a good deal?

Consignment sale number two: the Boulder County Kids Sale, hosted by the Boulder County Moms of Multiples, and affectionately known as the ‘Twins Sale.’ This sale is open to the public for only one day. I did not buy an early shopping pass for $15 but I will next time. Someone bought an American Girl for TWO DOLLARS. I saw it with my own eyes. They were the first person in the door, of course. But still. I did shop as soon as I could, and I got some really cool things. And then I also came back to shop the first minute of the last hour, when many things were half price! All together, I spent $112.50 for a big-wheel-esqe tricycle, a stuffed dinosaur, a Stella doll, a Worry Eater stuffed monster, a Care Bear, a pink plastic bento box, a dinosaur Skip Hop punchbag, two reusable Skip Hop snack bags, a bunch of books, a Fisher Price airport, and some clothes.

I saw amazing deals on all kinds of baby stuff. Like, bouncy seats for ten bucks and pajamas for one dollar. Cloth diapers for two dollars. I almost cried.

So here are my CONSIGNMENT COMANDMENTS.

Thou shall purchase the Early Bird pass. You just might score an American Girl for two dollars. I’m not bitter.
Thou shall arrive early. Be that person waiting at the locked door with a cup of coffee and three shopping bags. Did I mention that you might find an American Girl for two dollars??
Do a quick sweep through the toys and the ‘other’ section and scoop up anything that you might want to purchase. Then do a slower sweep through the books and clothes. Sort afterwards. (But put the stuff back pretty quickly because, come on, don’t be a jerk.)
Come back at the sale’s end when prices are slashed. A Fisher Price airport that you don’t need for ten dollars becomes a much better deal at five dollars.
If you know how to stop a robin from pecking at my window every single stupid morning, tell me. Please.

RAISING BABYSTAR: $28,234.15

Moving. Is. The. Worst.

Published on May 11, 2018May 31, 2018 by Darlene Dee9 Comments

It’s true. Moving suuuuuuucks.

I have a theory. Moving is so terrible that talking or thinking about a past move brings on a sort of PTSD situation. This is why no one tells you how bad it is. And so when you ask your friends and family and acquaintances for recommendations, no one really wants to think about that horrible time in their life. So they just pretend they didn’t hear you or avert their eyes and ~~walk~~ run away in a state of avoidance.

I get it. I don’t want to talk about it either. But I think that’s how I ended up with the WORST MOVERS EVER and I was crying on moving day but only because the mean mover guy made me hang out in 40 degree weather with no coat for two hours while he told me AFTER LOADING ALL MY STUFF that it was going to cost about twice what I thought. Fuck that guy. (I mean, thank goodness my husband’s company paid for the move, but it was still awful. And they couldn’t fit Babystar’s playhouse. And I was cold and tired and hungry and he kept adding wrong and starting over and talking to someone on that stupid phone clipped to his ear and omg I’m having flashbacks.)

Ok. Forget it. Never use Long Distance Movers. Oh yeah, I’m linking to them so you know exactly who I think you should never ever use. Trust me on this one.

(Though the guys that moved us IN in Colorado were simply lovely. But they also contracted for United Movers so maybe use them instead.)

So, moving sucks. Colorado is AWESOME, you guys. FREAKING. AWESOME.

But moving still sucks. I am STILL not completely unpacked. And that’s not even counting all the boxes in the basement. There is still one box in my bedroom and a few hidden in closets throughout this farmhouse. I doubt I will ever truly finish. I give up.

ANYWAY.

I have totally been feeding Babystar this whole time. And we went some fun places too. We also went a lot of boring places so Babystar got some cool Patience Presents. And I bought more Cat & Jack clothes from Target because they are so darn cute. And I bought other stuff because I am a sleep-deprived sucker.

I have a pile of receipts and no time or desire to take pictures or think of clever titles for separate blog posts so I’m going to cheat and list a whole bunch of stuff here.

(You know, for the Smithsonian. Yep, that one. Babystar turns eighteen in 2033. Hey Smithsonian, hit me up then, k? K.)

Princess Poppy pillowcase (for the bed she still won’t sleep in) $4.79
Princess Poppy blanket (that she at least uses in her teepee) $9.59
This adorable shirt because why is Target so cute!? $4.50
This shirt for St. Patrick’s day $4.50
Two more shirts and some leggings $5, $4.50, $5
Princess Poppy hat that we lost the same day $0.90

Brand new awesome stuffed Branch doll from thrift store $5
If You Give a Mouse a Cookie book from thrift store $1
heart shaped rock $6
green rock from a random shop in downtown Boulder $2
quartz crystal (yes, the kid loves rocks) $5
Blue!! from eBay (that tag lasted twenty years outside of my house but twenty seconds inside of my house) $26.70

3-pack of Contigo water bottles from Costco $11.99
Coffee and snacks and tip at Java Mama which is a cool coffeeshop with a playspace that I wish was closer to my house $12.43
three sets of 4T pajamas from Costco that were marked $3.99 but I just noticed while looking at the receipt that I paid $7.99 each and I’m slightly annoyed although I knew that price was too good to be true
dinosaur dig kits from the Target dollar aisles $3 (times three)
four mall dinosaur rides, you know, those animal shaped ride on things in every mall in America $40
four mall carousel rides $4
another trip to Frolic, an indoor play place a bit too far from the house $9.86
a trip with dad to the Denver Children’s Museum $26
three crochet finger puppets from the grocery store line $2.99 (I didn’t know the price until they rang up and I was already feeling too defeated to try to put them back)
m&m tee shirt and m&m’s from dad’s trip to NY $29.65
Aldi wipes $3.49 times four because I made my son bring back a bunch from the east coast in February because Aldi wipes 4 lyfe and now anyone that visits me from the east coast needs to please bring me Aldi wipes because I miss them so much ok thanks
Other wipes $3.79, $3.49, $4.99, $6.99
Diapers $14.99, $7.99, $21.99, $21.99, $14.99, $14.99
laundry detergent (she shares with us obvs) $4 per month so $16 through April
Seventh Generation Coconut care baby wash $7.99
Honest bubble bath (that she asked for but hates) $10.79
Babyganics bath wash $8.99
bathtub crayons $2.99
dinosaur egg bath fizz thingy that she hates $1.49, $1.49
January food $159.42
February food $144.06
March food $142.24
April food $146.94 (Hit me up if you want the full list. I’m talking to you, Smithsonian. Also, I see your kid’s meal price jumps, Chick-fil-A.)

RAISING BABYSTAR: $28,011.65

(And now, hopefully, back to our regularly scheduled sass.)

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Castle Babystar.

Published on April 10, 2018April 9, 2018 by Darlene Dee4 Comments

I have a very serious question.

HOW DID THE TINIEST PERSON IN THE FAMILY TAKE OVER THIS WHOLE HOUSE???

Ok, for example, look at this dining room. There is a tiny dining table in the tiny corner and the rest of the room is a rocking horse and ride on horse and a bunch of blank space because Babystar likes to RUN.

Please also notice the living room. This ENTIRE AREA is dedicated to a teepee fort for Babystar. And the window seat holds her adorable toddler books. Including the new box of Baby Lit board books that I bought her from Costco ($15.99) thirty percent because I thought she would like them and seventy percent because if Babystar is going to take over the house, then her things should at least be cute. (All I read are children’s books. HOW ON EARTH do other parents read books?!? Genuinely asking. I keep a book in the bathroom and I read one chapter per bath so I will likely finish it by my birthday. In September.) Oh! That adorable tiny wooden bookshelf is from Ikea ($24.99) and it’s perfect for toddler sized books.

That window seat is actually pretty cool. It holds books and a couple of Melissa & Doug puzzles. One puzzle set is the really cool one she played with last fall with her cousins. I finally found it (on CLEARANCE at Target for $8.98) and Babystar LOVES it. I think it is the perfect started puzzle for kids, because you just match the shapes to create a picture. You don’t actually have to fit one particular piece into one particular place. Genius. The other puzzle was given to us by our only Colorado friend (so far). Babystar gets to drive the vehicles around the puzzle path to match them to their homes. I mean it: Melissa and Doug are both GENIUSES.

Over here we have the toy box corner. That toy box ($42) is FULL and it’s not even her only toy box. It’s her living room toy box. I don’t have room in this giant fucking farmhouse for a desk which I really need but we have a DOWNSTAIRS TOY BOX.

And do you even see this freaking train table?!? It is taking up some prime real estate in the living room just so Babystar can have a place to play dinosaurs with her rocks. Oh, and she plays trains sometimes too. Sometimes the Trolls ride the trains. Ok, it really does make her happy. And it was FREE thanks to an awesome mama on an awesome Boulder mama Facebook page.

We shoved the couches and lamps and end tables into the other corner over there and you better believe she STILL LEAVES HER TOYS ALL OVER THE COUCHES. Dude. What.

Also one of those ottomans is full of papers that really belong in a desk. Help. Me.

RAISING BABYSTAR: $26,955.75

#FarmLife

Published on April 6, 2018April 5, 2018 by Darlene Dee3 Comments

What is better than a dozen eggs?

A DOZEN CHICKS!

I’ve wanted backyard chickens forEVER and we rented a farm in Colorado so DUH.

There are like four or five barns in my backyard. I’m turning one of them into a super fly chicken coop.

And I better hurry because LOOK: CHICKS!!

One of these chicks is not like the other, tho.

Ok, the stuffed chick doesn’t actually live in the little brooder thingy. I totally staged that picture. But. Babystar’s stuffed chick was the most expensive of all the baby chicks we bought at $6.99.

OMG you guys, she named it Eggy. With no prompting (that I know of). What a great name!

Also, I feel like I need a subblog (is that a word?) about the cost of backyard chickens. Then when they start laying eggs I can calculate the cost per egg. Jeez, I need to calm down. Just kidding, I love this plan! Off to find my farm store receipts. BRB.

RAISING BABYSTAR: $26,863.79

Hoppy Easter!!

Published on April 1, 2018April 2, 2018 by Darlene DeeLeave a comment

How does your family celebrate?

We tell the kids that the Easter Chicken will only lay pretty eggs if the children clean the house the night before.

APRIL FOOLS! (Although we totally should have went with that version and you can feel free to steal it.)

In our house, the Easter Bunny hides the easter baskets. And he (she? it?) always includes a book, some chocolate, and a surprise.

E.B. hid three baskets last night.

Babystar is only two years old so hers was kind of easy to find: under the train table.

Princess Buttercup and Magic Boy (he’s a magician) are legal adults so E.B. could try a bit harder.

Princess Buttercup (age 18) insisted on having a giant stuffed chick so her basket and chickie were hidden in the only place it would fit: the corner cupboard.

E.B. tried hard to trick College Boy but he found it anyway.

Babystar found her basket first. AND she found it all by herself! E.B. is gonna step up her hiding game next year. Tbh I should have known. Babystar LOVES hide and seek.

And now it’s time for the break down.

Disclosure: Some of the links above are affiliate links. This means that if you click through and purchase anything, I may earn a small commission. You will earn my eternal gratitude.

Book: Frida Kahlo by Isabel Sanchez Vegara $8.09 (The Easter Bunny shops at Barnes & Nobles but it’s available on Amazon, along with tons of other great titles in the Little People, Big Dreams series.
Tiny chocolate bunny $0.59
pastel Goldfish crackers $0.99
Skittles with bunny ears $0.80
egg full of M&M’s $0.80
Cheez-it crackers $1
Trolls bubble wands $1
three easter-themed coloring books $3
easter sticker book $1
twenty mystery Trolls (though we have already opened a few and one is COOPER!!) that were on clearance last month $17.80

Easter basket total: $35.07

RAISING BABYSTAR: $26,854.80