Just kidding! We all know that I can’t stop won’t stop with the Target runs. And if I’m not ordering random things on Amazon at 2am, AM I EVEN LIVING?

But still. If I had a Time Machine right now this minute, I would hop back to my pregnancy, get out of bed early, and get myself to a consignment sale. WHY did I pay retail for so many things?!?

I’m certain there were consignment sales in Virginia. There must have been, right? I vaguely remember some Facebook posts about consignment sales, but they always seemed to happen at seven o clock in the morning.

7am people are not my people. My bad. 7am EASTERN STANDARD TIME people are not my people. Something about the Colorado sun (or the lack of black-out curtains or the lure of a quiet early morning farmhouse) has me waking up at six these days.

I cherish the ability to wash my face before my family starts asking me hard questions like do we have any pears. My coffee tastes better when I drink it before anyone else wakes up. I adore the sound of birds chirping in the morning sun.

I do NOT love the sound of the stupid robin that attacks his reflection in my bathroom window from sunrise to noon every single damn day. Has anyone effectively deterred a dumb bird?? Please advise.

Wait. What was I talking about?

Consignment sales. I love them. Colorado seems to love them. But there are Consignment Sale Rules to consider. Behold.

Consignment sale number one: the Just Between Friends Sale in Longmont, Colorado. This was a four-day sale and I went at noon on the third day. Like a freaking rookie. I bought a Radio Flyer wagon, a bunch of Fisher Price toys, an adorable unicorn sweatshirt (with a horn on the hood!!), a pair of leggings, and a Gymboree shirt. $110. Remember when I thought that was a good deal?

Consignment sale number two: the Boulder County Kids Sale, hosted by the Boulder County Moms of Multiples, and affectionately known as the ‘Twins Sale.’ This sale is open to the public for only one day. I did not buy an early shopping pass for $15 but I will next time. Someone bought an American Girl for TWO DOLLARS. I saw it with my own eyes. They were the first person in the door, of course. But still. I did shop as soon as I could, and I got some really cool things. And then I also came back to shop the first minute of the last hour, when many things were half price! All together, I spent $112.50 for a big-wheel-esqe tricycle, a stuffed dinosaur, a Stella doll, a Worry Eater stuffed monster, a Care Bear, a pink plastic bento box, a dinosaur Skip Hop punchbag, two reusable Skip Hop snack bags, a bunch of books, a Fisher Price airport, and some clothes.

I saw amazing deals on all kinds of baby stuff. Like, bouncy seats for ten bucks and pajamas for one dollar. Cloth diapers for two dollars. I almost cried.

So here are my CONSIGNMENT COMANDMENTS.

• Thou shall purchase the Early Bird pass. You just might score an American Girl for two dollars. I’m not bitter.
• Thou shall arrive early. Be that person waiting at the locked door with a cup of coffee and three shopping bags. Did I mention that you might find an American Girl for two dollars??
• Do a quick sweep through the toys and the ‘other’ section and scoop up anything that you might want to purchase. Then do a slower sweep through the books and clothes. Sort afterwards. (But put the stuff back pretty quickly because, come on, don’t be a jerk.)
• Come back at the sale’s end when prices are slashed. A Fisher Price airport that you don’t need for ten dollars becomes a much better deal at five dollars.
• If you know how to stop a robin from pecking at my window every single stupid morning, tell me. Please.

 

RAISING BABYSTAR: $28,234.15